Copacabana, Rio de Janeiro: 28oC, warm, sunny, and stormy at the end of the day.
It is Wednesday, the middle of the week, and I am waking up with a woman beside me. A beautiful woman is lying next to me in my bed, and all I want to do is do the things I like to do every morning.
It is about 6 am, and the effects of drinking two bottles of wine, combined with my age, are making me slow. I will have to get up to make coffee, brush my teeth, wash my face and get her to leave in the nicest way possible. I have always been a bit of a womaniser; women have always been easy to talk to for me. Consequently, going from one relationship to another would not take long.
This situation of people not dating for a long time is not something that I have ever had a problem with. As a young boy in secondary school, I was extremely shy around girls, especially when approaching them to talk.
However, as I grew older, my shyness gradually went away. I think a part of this is due to travelling and living in another country where you are alone and if you need something, you have to ask or find a way of communicating.
However, in the last year or so, I have changed considerably. I have learnt to enjoy my own company, something that maybe unconsciously I had not before. Nowadays, it sometimes seems to me that it is too much work to go out or to a party, meet friends, or even go on a date, situations I wouldn’t think twice about doing in the past. I instead prefer many times to do my own thing without the obligation to please others.
It sounds terribly selfish, and in some ways, it is true, although to value your own company is priceless. Even doing housework, voluntarily tidying your own place without anybody nagging or obliging, doing it on your own accord, is priceless and amazingly cheap and effective therapy. Why pay a therapist if your mental health is good and your home is squeaky clean and tidy at the same time?
So, I got up, made coffee and breakfast for us both, had a shower, and we eventually said our goodbyes for the day. It is essential to say that this person is very special to me, and we have had a story on and off for quite some time.
The past and today’s history are not necessarily the same anymore. I feel this, and I sincerely hope she also feels this so that she is not deceiving herself, and in my defence, I am neither wanting to nor trying to deceive her.
I am not the type of man who would say anything to have my way; I have always tried to be sincere and transparent in relation to my intentions, what I want, and my boundaries. The big problem is that 99.9% of the time, people only see, hear and understand what they want, which is complicated.
I only know that when we do something, we really, deep down, do not want to do it. I am not just talking morally, but when we would prefer to do something else and would rather say no, bowing our heads to facilitate the situation and please others, going against our will. We pay heavily for this as if we are always walking on eggshells.
It is essential to say “NO”!!! First, we, then the others. It is better to disappoint someone at the beginning rather than deceive them all the time until the end, which generally gets more complicated at that point.
N=NO comes before Y=Yes in the alphabet; it should be natural to say no more times than yes. “It is illogical to suffer internally while trying to please someone. There is no point in spiritually bleeding while attempting to please someone whom we do not want to please. It is toxic to do so, especially when the other person does not really value our efforts.”
We talked for a short time during the breakfast I had prepared, and she left to go to work. It was an enjoyable night, and I will have to force myself more than usual to honour my duties for the rest of the day; many classes and a chapter of a book are awaiting me.
In bed by 8 pm.
Thank you very much.
Thanks for reading my blog. Check out my other posts and share your thoughts in the comments.
Richard
