Copacabana, Rio de Janeiro: 22oC, overcast, and raining.
Wednesday is the middle of the week and the last day of the month, and what a month! Life is full of highs and lows, mostly highs but a few lows. It is never perfectly balanced; if someone says it is, it is either because they are on a roll or lying.
Only recently have I learnt that we are constantly WINGING IT!!! I love this expression, as it is difficult to define its meaning precisely, but we know its true meaning. We continually improvise to make the best use of what we have.
We live in a constant state of flux. Sometimes it is subtle, but often it is more noticeable, abrupt or even violent. I have lived in Brazil for thirty years, where resilience and improvisation are crucial to survival in a society that often tries to dominate and suppress you.
It is still hard even when we live in a kinder, more human society. After a long time, I rediscovered my old school classmates on Facebook. We all have problems, some greater than others, but we are all winging it.
I teach two judges in Brazil, one in Sao Paulo and the other in Rio. They are considered royalty in Brazil, and they have their problems and are winging it, just like all of us; we are all winging it all the time. The faster you understand this, the better and fuller your life will be.
Why am I discussing this? Perhaps because I sometimes experience an internal conflict between a slight sense of pride in myself for surviving alone in Brazil while raising my two daughters without any support from my family in England.
This is no easy feat, mainly because I live in Brazil, which can be quite hostile in some ways. Brazil has experienced political and economic instability over the last forty years or so.
On the other hand, I feel a profound sense of shame. I am not wealthy or financially independent. I have not accumulated any significant assets over time in Brazil, and I have nothing of great materialistic worth, only experiences, stories, know-how, and a little wisdom.
The fight between them has become stronger since I moved in with Nalva and Yasmin. I sleep on the sofa bed in the living room while working every day to guarantee that Yasmin and Nalva have the minimum of comfort.
This train of thought may seem unrealistic or radical, but it exists within me. It motivates me to strive for more while I am alive and walking on this earth. The truth is, we are all just figuring things out as we go. I hope that the better part of myself prevails, not the worst.
I, like everyone else, am just winging it!!!
As for the day, it was as expected: exercise in the morning and classes the entire day. What was not so typical was when Nalva arrived home and tried to make peace between Yasmin and I. I think she wants us to be good for Yasmin’s birthday next week so that I can pay for Yasmin’s piercing, which has been put temporarily on hold. Ironically,
I said it was not important for me to make up as it would be cheaper. I gave my reasons, Yasmin gave hers, and we let it at that. It was so funny!
I was surprised by my own behaviour. I would have acted differently in the past, but now I have a different perspective. At the end of the day, everything is good.
In bed by 9.30 pm.
Thank you very much.
Thanks for reading my blog. Check out my other posts and share your thoughts in the comments.
Richard
