Copacabana, Rio de Janeiro: 24oC, warmish, sunny and slightly overcast.
Today is the day that I will pick up my new glasses. For some reason, I am more excited about these new glasses than about others in the past. I am 57. Why should I be so excited about another new pair of glasses?
The idea is to go out early to exercise. On the way back, I will pass by the local baker’s to have a coffee and buy some rolls for Yasmin’s breakfast. After breakfast, Yasmin, Nalva, and I will go to Copacabana for me to collect my glasses and for them to choose theirs.
I had promised Yasmin a new pair of glasses for her birthday. She needs to have a new eye test in the middle of the month, and if her eyesight has changed, we can use the latest prescription for her new glasses. Nalva had done an eyesight test two weeks ago and had asked me if she could buy her glasses with Dona Vera, meaning that it would be put on my account, and I would probably end up paying.
I have already mentioned Dona Vera several times; she is an optician in the same gallery where I had my school, and as she is very good at selling, she provides flexible payment terms for people she knows.
Because of this, I have bought many pairs of glasses from her over the years. She also knows she can trust me as I am correct in paying and would never let her down. And besides, I always insist on paying the full price; I never want a discount just because we know each other.
It is illogical to ask for a discount from a friend who makes their livelihood from a business. Bargaining with someone you don’t have a relationship with is normal, but using friendship to ask a friend for a discount on their work or business is not right.
If you think about it, why would a true friend want to exploit another friend’s livelihood? Although it may seem radical, it is true. People do it all the time, but it is not the behaviour of a true friend.
So, we are going to Copacabana. Initially, I wanted to go walking, but as I had done a heavy workout earlier, I preferred to take the bus. We soon arrived at Dona Vera’s shop. I paid a part for the new glasses, and she happily presented me with my new glasses, my latest purchase, and my present, and they were just sublime.
I then asked Vera if it were possible for Yasmin and Nalva to choose glasses for themselves and put them on my bill. As always, she kindly accepted and asked me to mention her on my social media accounts, which I will do.
I had two other things to do in Copacabana, so I left Yasmin and Nalva at the optician’s while I went to pay a bill and to my old address at Rua Duvivier, where I had lived for two years. Paying a bill at the Loterica was quick and easy; now, I had to see if the papers that my mother’s solicitor had sent to me had arrived at my old address.
My mother is getting very old and one of the reasons I am going to England is to see exactly how she is and if I need to stay in England for some time to look after her. My mother has put part of her estate in a trust. She has named me the trust’s guardian, and accordingly, I have to sign the papers formalising this.
My mother was delayed in signing and sending the documents for me to sign; consequently, they had not arrived in Copacabana before I moved to Botafogo. So, my idea is to go to my old building, talk to Mario, the head porter, and ask him to keep the documents when they arrive and I will collect them as soon as possible.
After talking to Mario and arranging to pass by the building next weekend, Yasmin sent me a message saying they had finished choosing their glasses and were leaving the gallery to go home.
I told her to meet at the temporary bookshop/stall in front of the square that faces the gallery. Yasmin knew where it was, as we had bought a few books there, which I found very interesting.
When I arrived at the stall, they were already there. Yasmin chose a book she liked, and I found one on Kabbalah that I found very interesting. We then caught the bus back to Botafogo only to discover that the total cost of Nalva’s glasses was more than R$3000.00 Reais.
My first reaction was one of shock; I did not expect them to be so much money. I also did not want to create enormous debts as I have objectives and goals, and these goals cost money, too. I did not say anything then, only that it was a little high.
Nalva explained that because of her new prescription, the lenses are expensive. All that afternoon, I was thinking about how to pay this unexpected new debt. I was and am disappointed with having to assume such an unforeseen cost that must be paid before I go to England.
I tried to analyse myself to know why exactly I was so shocked by this. I came to the conclusion that it was not just the cost of R$3000.00 Reais because money is money; it comes and goes all the time, and in a year, it will be forgotten. What shocked me was Nalva’s normality in making an expense of this size without asking me before.
For me, it is a form of entitlement, as she is Yasmin’s mother and Yasmin’s father, who makes much more money than her and automatically feels entitled to me to pay. Entitlement is something many people believe they deserve, especially for some women in some instances.
What also concerned me was that I knew Nalva would not be grateful or appreciate my generosity in paying for the glasses, even though we are not in a normal, loving relationship. We live in the same flat while I prepare to go to England, ensuring everything is right for Yasmin before travelling.
However, there is no exchange of affection, etc. It is just two adults who have a child and are trying to raise this child under the given conditions. I respect Nalva as she is Yasmin’s mother; however, no other interest is involved.
Sometimes, I wish for some recognition or gratitude for trying to do my best for both Yasmin and her. I am trying to say that I will pay for the new glasses, knowing there will not be any feeling of thanks in return, just a covert feeling of entitlement.
Later in the evening, we cracked open a bottle of wine to commemorate the shock!
In bed by midnight.
Thank you.
Thanks for reading my blog. Check out my other posts and share your thoughts in the comments.
Richard
