Copacabana, Rio de Janeiro: 25oC, warmish, sunny, and slightly overcast.
It is already Wednesday; half the week has already passed, and that is a good sign. Like anything else in life, if it is going slowly, there is something wrong. When it is fast, things are usually going the right way without too much stress. The classes are going well, and I enjoy teaching all the students.
This is quite normal for me; I rarely have a pupil I dislike or bad feelings about a person in question. In such a situation, I initially continue giving classes, trying to ignore what I am feeling about this person, being professional and correct at the same time.
Still, sometimes, if it is too toxic in some way and I am not able to stand it anymore, I make up some excuse and end the classes. During my twenty-plus years of giving lessons, I think I have voluntarily stopped giving classes to pupils on five or six occasions.
My market for giving classes is adults; however, many of my ex-pupils who are married and have children have approached me to provide classes for their children over the years. 99.9% of the time, it has been exceptionally good, and both the young pupils and I have had healthy and profitable classes.
For some strange reason, adolescents like to have classes with me, and as I said before, I sincerely like to give classes to them. Still, I always keep objectivity, focus, and professionalism at all times, and because of this, until now, many mention with affection the time that they had spent studying with me.
However, there was a recent case in which a mother, an ex-pupil of mine, and a friend reached out to me, asking me to give classes to her daughter. I already knew her daughter, as she is more or less the same age as Yasmin, and when I was married to Nalva, I was giving classes to other family members, including the mother.
I started giving online classes twice a week to my friend’s daughter, now a young teenager in the middle of the pandemic. It all began well; the classes were going well, and we had picked up a rapport in a short time. I had also incentivised this teenager in other areas of her life, as she was a teenager, thinking she knew everything and really knowing nothing, but more so looking for her way.
After six months of giving her classes, I always tried to do my best for her as she was my friend’s daughter, but I began to feel that the classes were not as profitable as before. I tried to ignore it and did my best to continue giving classes without stopping or stressing myself.
On one occasion, the negativity was so great that I had to call her attention in the middle of the class, trying to show her that her parents were paying for the lessons and that they were good for her. Besides the obvious, she is extremely intelligent, and giving classes to someone intelligent is pro-active and productive for both, but more importantly, for her.
But she did not care; there was an air of arrogance about her as if she was doing me a favour, and this arrogance was partly because her parents were paying for the classes; she was superior, I was inferior to her, and she could do whatever she wanted.
This was too much for me. I had had enough and called her attention to her behaviour. As a teacher, I expressed my feelings calmly and frankly, which she had not expected. I did not raise my voice nor shout; I just told it how it was; she cried. I did not mean for her to cry. I wanted to calmly show her the importance of the classes her parents were paying for, without drama, using low-voiced frankness that usually breaks anyone down.
Her mother later called me, asking what had happened. I explained exactly what was happening in the classes and what I did, and offered to return the money she had paid for the next two months in advance. I also offered to stop the classes immediately.
She said no and that she wanted her daughter to continue. In all that had happened, I was always polite, never raising my voice, only pragmatic and calm in justifying my reason and indignation without hurting or offending anybody with what was happening in the classes.
I wanted to end the classes there and then and allow the child`s mother the option to stop them without losing face. Still, as she wanted her daughter to continue, I knew the classes would be suspended at the end of the year, for school holidays, etc., so I would have to hold myself and be patient until then. When the classes finally ended, it was a relief for me; it was one of the most toxic situations I have ever been in as a teacher.
The funny thing is that this young teenage ex-pupil has reached out to me twice now, wanting to return to the classes and saying she was missing me. Indeed, I do not dislike her; the truth is that I have nothing against her and perhaps quite like her, but the classes were very hard for me and highly toxic.
Having contact with, or doing something with, a person you do not like or have a negative feeling about is very hard to live with on a regular basis and over a long period. It is better to face the problem or move on than to let it erode you from the inside and eventually affect your self-esteem.
As I have already said, these cases as a teacher are few and far between, but when they appear, they must be faced and dealt with.
Yasmin and I went to the local baker’s in the evening to have a drink, buy bread, and talk a little. We have been talking a lot recently, which is good for us both!
In bed by 10.00 pm.
Thank you.
Thanks for reading my blog. Check out my other posts and share your thoughts in the comments.
Richard
