Copacabana, Rio de Janeiro: 22oC, sunny and slightly overcast.
It is Thursday and almost the weekend, and I feel a little guilty. I have not been able to develop or do anything with the sites in the last couple of weeks. This is due to not knowing exactly what I want for each site and its identity. I also feel that I am committing a lot of procrastination now, and I need to come to terms with it and stop it.
One part of me is so used to giving classes, and I have been so dependent on it for so long that one single income, with or without the school, for me to break the mould and do something else is hard, but I know that it has to be done. It is as if I do not deserve more apart from giving classes, and I know that I so do!
I am sabotaging myself, and I have to stop it. So many people are much less prepared than me, making much more than me. Over the years, I have prepared many people to make a jump in their careers for better situations, not just in English.
English has been a vehicle for helping others; now, I have to do it for myself, my loved ones and the people around me. I recently saw a short video about a very successful person who specialises in digital marketing. The video’s main point was that he openly admitted to not being the most intelligent of people, but he valued himself and his capacity.
He also said that most people do not feel worthy of receiving success, a kind of wall of a blocking effect and because external doubts from others constantly chipping away at the back of their minds, they hold themselves hostage to a no-win lifestyle of monotony with zero risk.
I have had this, and I am having this, and again, it is another form of self-sabotage. However, I am conscious of this and have been trying to change it over the last couple of years to better myself.
The only natural way to rectify this is to take action and make the plunge into whatever you want to do and believe in.
Jumping into the unknown in any situation is a daunting and scary task, but no matter what the circumstances, eventually, it ties up many loose ends that we may have been carrying aimlessly around with us for such a long time.
I have also learnt that when we take the first step, no matter how large or small, things, our lives, and reality begin to change and come together; the universe only conspires and works in our favour when we ourselves begin to take action. And if we are wise enough and conscious enough of the difficulties, problems, and even our limitations that lie ahead, then 50% of the problem is already resolved.
Although I have not done all that I would have liked to have done, I am still going forward, and it is much better than going backwards.
I moved in to live with Yasmin and Nalva at the start of May; it is now the end of July, almost three months. I have helped to improve the living conditions with small improvements in the flat. I think I have helped Nalva to have a better relationship with Yasmin, which is important for me.
It has also been good to live with Nalva to know exactly what I want in the future and what exactly the past meant. Yasmin has had the opportunity to have more contact with me, her father on a daily basis, which I am enjoying. I have also been able to pay off some debts, sort out my Brazilian ID, buy some clothes for when I go to England, rebegin the treatment of my teeth and plan my life at least until the end of the year.
I think I have done well considering!!!
Now, I will have to concentrate on the sites, buy a flight ticket, and upload my first videos on YouTube, either for my blog or as an English teacher. The procrastination and sabotage must stop. Now, it is just work and building.
Nalva is at home, so we had a good lunch. I am giving classes until 8 p.m., and everything is good. There is no stress, confusion, arguments, or fighting; everybody is in their place.
In bed by 10.00 pm.
Thank you very much.
Thanks for taking the time to read this blog post. Feel free to explore my other posts and share your thoughts in the comments section.
Richard
