Copacabana, Rio de Janeiro: 24oC, hottish, sunny, and slightly overcast.
It is almost the end of the month. Yasmin will be on school break until August 1st. It has been a week, and it already feels like hell.
While teaching a class to a director of Electronuclear, a Brazilian state-owned company that specializes in nuclear power, he expressed the belief that adolescents always need to be occupied. If they are not busy or if they are not given something meaningful to do, there is a risk that something wrong may happen, or they may engage in harmful activities or associate with the wrong people.
I think in many ways he was right and Yasmin worries me. When she was very young at school, I paid for her to do extra sports activities after normal school hours. Eventually, she would lose interest and give up. Just before the holidays began, I suggested that she walk for an hour every day. This suggestion caused a significant strain in our relationship.
Instead of understanding my intentions, she did the opposite, using her upcoming holiday break as an excuse to avoid the activity. She claimed she needed to rest and had the right to do nothing during her mid-year holiday. I had proposed these two weeks prior to the holidays, so there was already tension at home. She began to be sarcastic and dismissive of me, only paying attention to me in extreme situations.
One hour of walking every day during her holidays. Am I asking too much from her? I remember when I was a child or even a teenager. I literally only went home to eat, sleep, and go to the bathroom. I would either be with friends or by myself, but outside, in the outdoors, or in the street.
Yasmin started her holiday last week. She wakes up or gets up between 11:30 and 12:30, has breakfast between 12:30 and 1:30, and reluctantly goes out for a walk after that, looking as if she has lost an arm or a leg.
When she comes back, she lies down, rests, or scrolls on social media or draws on her tablet, but always in the dark. This situation of staying the rest of the day with curtains closed in the dark really upsets me as a father. For me, this is a recipe for depression.
What also drives me crazy is that I’m trying to help her and give her direction for her life, especially at this sensitive and decisive age, but I am being seen as the villain who is obliging his daughter to do things against her will.
I feel that my daughter is going in the wrong direction and there is nothing I can do. I want to help her, and I want her to achieve her full potential in whatever she chooses in life. The only thing I do not want to do is nothing.
Lately, I have noticed that my daughter is unwilling to help with household chores. I have tried persuading, explaining, and even telling her what to do, but it has been difficult. Maybe I have not been communicating with her in the right way.
In the past few days, I have even shouted out of frustration. It is frustrating to see my daughter pushing me away instead of us growing closer, especially when I want to help her, guide her, and help her become a better person for a better future.
Life in Brazil is challenging, especially in comparison to more developed countries. The younger generation in Brazil may not be adequately prepared for the difficulties they will face. There is a prevailing sense of mediocrity in Brazil, where very few things are considered good, let alone exceptional. Merely being good is no longer sufficient in today’s competitive market.
I have tried, I am trying, and I will keep trying. Sometimes, especially in a country like Brazil, when we try too hard, our goal or solution becomes farther from us. When we stop trying, suddenly everything falls into place. At this moment, I do not know exactly what to do; I am a little lost as a father.
I think it is better to stay quiet for some time to see what will happen. I love my daughter and I want the best for her, but if she does not want to see what I am trying to do for her, what can I do?
Monday, I had a tough morning workout followed by classes, making for a long day filled with contemplation of my next steps.
In bed by 10.00 pm.
Thank you very much.
Thanks for taking the time to read this blog post. Feel free to explore my other posts and share your thoughts in the comments section.
Richard
