Copacabana, Rio de Janeiro: 26oC, hottish and sunny with clear skies.
It is halfway through the week again, and due to all the confusion, questions, and doubts, I am feeling a deep sense of self-doubt, which I do not like. It feels pitiful and stupid, but at the same time, it is helping me learn more about myself.
I realise that I exhibit some codependent tendencies due to my past relationship with my mother, which has led me to become a bit of a people-pleaser. My approach to teaching English reflects this tendency, as I always strive to give my best in all aspects of my work. Fortunately, I am aware of this behaviour, which is a significant step in addressing the issue.
I did not love myself very much. I always thought that I could have done more or better and that some of the things I did were not characteristic of a good person. The truth is quite the opposite, and I am learning to value myself more every day. With understanding comes improvement. It is just a matter of time, little by little.
I have cultivated a wealth of knowledge, wisdom, and understanding during my 34 years living alone in Brazil. I have two daughters whom I love, and I am currently single. If I am destined to remain alone for the rest of my life, then so be it. I trust that the future will unfold as intended for my life.
I have been talking a lot about the second semester of the year and the life changes that are expected to happen during this time. What I have already come to understand is that these changes are already happening. The process has been ongoing for the last six months, if not longer.
Each day, life is showing me what I should be, what I should be doing, and how I should be living. It is up to me to fulfil my destiny. So, enough of feeling sorry for myself and just do it. I just need to do it and, at the very least, see what happens. I do not know exactly what the ride will be or where it will take me, but I am ready to find out.
I have been envisioning a lot lately about Terasopolis a small piece of land consisting of only two and a half acres situated on a hill overlooking a valley filled with eucalyptus trees.
Last year, I visited Terasopolis during Carnival with my friend Katia and her friend Francisco, who was our host. Francisco has a small farm in the hills, and he was selling a tiny piece of land on one of the hills. I went to see it, and it was truly breathtaking.
The land was home to more than five hundred eucalyptus trees, some of which towered over twenty meters high, swaying and whispering in the mountain breeze.
Unfortunately, I didn’t have enough money to buy it. I asked my mother to help or lend me the money, but she turned me down. I knew she would; Katia insisted I ask my mother, even though I knew it wouldn’t happen.
Despite this, I feel a deep connection to the land and believe that destiny will lead me back to it in the future. I can picture myself living there and finding happiness. This vision is constantly with me, like a shadow. Who knows? I have a lot to do before the end of the year, but this dream remains in my mind as a goal for the future.
In bed by 10:00 pm.
Thank you very much.
Thanks for taking the time to read this blog post. Feel free to explore my other posts and share your thoughts in the comments section.
Richard
