Copacabana, Rio de Janeiro: 23oC, grey and overcast.
It’s the end of a seemingly endless month, with my youngest daughter on her mid-year holidays and the start of August. I’m hoping this month will be vital for me as I plan to take care of many pending matters: my Brazilian ID, my teeth, the sites, and my flight ticket.
Today is my brother’s 54th birthday. I sent him an early WhatsApp message wishing him a happy birthday and letting him know that I would call him later. I sent the message at 8:00 am, which is midday there. I also tried calling him on WhatsApp several times throughout the day, but he didn’t answer. I’m not sure why.
Our relationship has always been a little complicated. I am three years older than him, so the age difference is small. Consequently, there is a kind of competitiveness between us since the beginning. We were always fighting; our grandmother would complain that she couldn’t leave us alone for more than one minute without a fight breaking out between us.
My brother would always be involved if there was confusion at school or in the street where we played with other children. I often had to defend him at school for causing some confusion or stress.
Now that I think about it, maybe it is related to the fights our parents regularly had in front of us. I remember one time I saw my mother put a knife against our father’s neck. When our parents finally separated and eventually divorced, the whole process was a mess, full of confusion and backstabbing.
I think the only parties who won were the lawyers. From the time my father left home to when he stopped coming to see us, it was more than seven or eight years of backstabbing, stress, accusations, etc. My brother and I had to weather the situation, enduring the chaos of our parents’ divorce.
Today, my brother is very bitter and angry, but I am not. I have never been angry or bitter, just confused. During my 33 years in Brazil, I always kept in touch with my mother. If there were any problems, I would resolve them either in Brazil or in England.
However, my mother picked a fight with my brother’s wife, Debbie, and my mother and brother had a falling out. My brother supported his wife and distanced himself entirely from both my mother and me.
I have always been a bit of the black sheep of the family. When I was expelled from home at 17, I went to London and eventually Brazil to make a new life. My mother told me that in the past, my brother had talked badly about me many times, but never to my face. This was disappointing and upsetting for me, both because my mother said it and because my brother did it.
I’m not sure if I love my brother, but I certainly admire him. Once, my mother was putting him down to me. I told her she should be grateful that he never turned to crime. He had a tendency to be confused and liked to drink a lot. He could have turned to drugs and possibly crime in the future. But he didn’t.
On the contrary, he became a loyal and faithful husband, a provider for his family, and a dedicated father to his two children. He also found a trade as a lathe-turner, and he’s doing very well to this day.
I believe he has quit smoking, although he still drinks a lot. He also used to play golf every Saturday until about a year ago. In a way, I’m very proud of him for what he has achieved despite all the odds. He has done well for himself, and I hope he continues on his path.
However, I don’t think he likes me very much or forgives me for leaving England and starting a new life abroad. I don’t know, and there is very little I can do, but I hope the best for him in the future.
When I go to England, I will visit him and see how he is doing. What exactly is the problem, if any? It’s just that he’s pig-headed and doesn’t value my effort to talk to him. Who knows?!
As the week begins, I am making a serious effort to get up early and do a hard workout. Tomorrow, Yasmin will go back to school, so things should return to normal and fit into place again.
Discipline is the key. Without discipline and dedication, we can’t achieve anything. It was a productive day as I set my goals, studied building websites, exercised, and made money.
In bed by 10:00 pm.
Thank you.
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Richard
1 Comment
Your words resonate with a truth that feels universal — as though they’ve tapped into something deeply human.