Copacabana, Rio de Janeiro: 29oC, warm, sunny and slightly overcast.
Today was good and bad! First, I was alone, and being alone allowed me to do many things. When you are dead, it is difficult. I do not understand how so many people wake up in a bad mood every day.
One more day that you are alive is one more day that you can choose to either change the life you do not like or one more day that you can appreciate and take advantage of what you already have and achieved. It was also a good day because I got to work, make money, publish posts, and meet some people who like me and my company. And the day that I ate something good, like every day.
It was bad because I began a row with my younger daughter Yasmin in the evening. Unfortunately, since I moved in with her and her mother, our relationship has changed for the worse. There is no specific reason, but several factors put us in this time of war.
During the school holidays, I asked Yasmin to do two things for me, but more importantly for her. Firstly, I asked her to walk for one hour daily to get some sun, be outside in the fresh air, and get some Vitamin D for her health and well-being. When we walk, we get exercise and have the opportunity to organise our thoughts.
Whenever I have a problem, going for a walk helps me clear my mind, and more often than not, I find a solution to the problem by the time I return. So, walking is not just about exercise; it is also essential for mental health. This worries me when it comes to my daughter.
Secondly, I want to encourage her to minimise cell phone usage throughout the day, from morning to night. She spends most of her time on her phone, and I would like to help her find alternative activities such as reading, writing, drawing, or painting.
It is essential to distinguish between healthy and unhealthy distractions in life. Excessive social media use and constant mobile usage are unhealthy distractions. I am also reducing my mobile and social media usage, reserving them primarily for work and business.
The first request she did once or twice and then stopped. She never did the second. She completely ignored my request and continued to use her mobile all the time. I did not demand, but I asked her and tried to incentivise her. I even created scenarios for her to understand what I was trying to say, to tell her, or to help her as a father.
But it was no use. This is where her behaviour changed. She became more aggressive, impatient, and sarcastic. Many times, I pretended that I did not hear her ironic, snarky, and snide comments. But it is not my nature to bow my head in such situations; sometimes, it is too much. It is too mean and unnecessary.
I also noticed that she did very little in the flat. Shoes, clothes, etc., would be left where they were thrown, in the same place for days. Rarely would she wash the dishes. Many times, she would only wash hers, leaving the rest dirty, and if, on the rare occasion, she did, it needed to be done properly.
Some dishes would have to be rewashed, which, for me, is even worse. How can you not wash dishes properly? There were also other things, including a general lack of respect for me, trying to make me feel unwelcome while I am here, etc. All this is a time bomb waiting to explode, and it exploded tonight.
To my surprise, she had done the dishes but had left some dirty saucepans on the stove that needed to be washed. Why would you wash the dishes and not the saucepans? Washing the saucepans is okay; it is not pleasant to leave them dirty. Yes, they are more disagreeable to clean, but you have to do them. What is convenient or inconvenient for you is not the point. As adults, we understand that there are many things we may not want to do but must do them.
This was a lack of responsibility and the last straw for me. I went to the living room and asked her why she had not done it. The saucepans were left on top of the stove. She said that she had not seen them. She had not seen them? Is she insulting my intelligence? Am I so stupid? Yasmin is 16 years old. This is an excuse for a 5-year-old child. What have I done wrong for my daughter to be like this? Why is she so entitled? Is it because she is an adolescent, and most adolescents act like this?
Was I like this when I was a child? I remember. I knew it would be worse if I did not properly do something my mother had asked me to do. But that was before I turned sixteen. I knew my responsibilities when I was ten, not six years later.
Yasmin has a strong personality like her mother and me, so there is always an answer or, worse, an excuse. Obviously, this was the beginning of a big fight about responsibility—doing things right, to the best of our ability, and not being lazy. We should not pretend to be blind and ignore our responsibilities. We need to fulfil them in the best possible way according to our means.
Every time I try to teach Yasmin, her mother is always there. Her mother always defends her daughter and is more focused on complaining and criticising rather than teaching her daughter what should be done, how it should be done, and when it should be done. Doing these things makes life more pleasant and easier, and you will feel better for yourself and others.
I am not against my daughter; I want her to be happy. Happiness comes from doing things the right way. The Portuguese expression, “Ou você aprende no amor ou na dor,” means either you learn through love or pain. And I think it is very accurate. If we want to grow, learn, improve, and be better, it is much better and easier to do so willingly than learn through obligation and suffering. Life is brutal and sometimes very cruel. We all learn either the easy way or the hard way.
Since she was very young, I have noticed that she is averse to change. I think this is also a characteristic of a lazy person. As her father, I worry about her future as I will not be here for so long.
I love her, and I want the best for her. I am sorry I have been unable to provide more for her in some ways. I have given all I have had, and maybe in some ways, which is more than enough.
In bed by midnight.
Thank you.
Thanks for reading this blog post. Please explore my other posts and share your thoughts in the comments section.
Richard
