Copacabana, Rio de Janeiro: 28oC, hot, sunny, unstable and slightly overcast.
Today is a little rainy. The weather is unstable. In a moment, it is suddenly overcast, heavy and trying to rain, and shortly after, the sun is trying to appear.
I gave classes all day, and now Thursdays are one of my busiest days of the week. Finally, in the late afternoon, I was able to take Perola for a walk. I found a way to let her outside, but I avoided the park because it was too muddy.
I have been thinking a lot recently about men’s and women’s relationships. Specifically, I am thinking about my relationships with the women in my life and the state of modern dating, which seems wholly messed up nowadays.
Is a woman good for a man? And vice versa—Is a man good for a woman? According to the Internet, many young women today claim they do not need men and can live perfectly well on their own. They often overlook the fact that around 95% of everything around them was built by men. This perspective may stem from a certain level of immaturity among younger women. However, it is also notable that some women who have been married for years become single again, whether due to divorce or widowhood, pledge never to marry again.
However, many older men who were married for a long time divorce or become widowers and, within two years or so, often marry again, usually to a younger woman.
Can a man indeed be good for a woman? Can a woman find genuine happiness with a man she loves, and can the same be true for both? When we consider monogamy, it is clear that many couples are exploring polygamy, as we often also see on the Internet.
Do women cheat, or is it just men? Professionals in this area, such as psychologists, indicate that women cheat as much as men. The only difference seems to be that women may hide it better than men. These are some of the questions I am currently grappling with and debating internally.
When we go online, we encounter professionals who argue that a woman in a marriage can be just as much of a cheater as a man. I am not bringing this up to put women down. However, in today’s world, with the emancipation of women through education, the workplace, and independence, it is clear that if a man could cheat in the past, a woman today has the same capabilities. Given that women often exhibit a more discreet or hidden approach to relationships, it is possible that they might have better tools than men to conceal their affairs or wrongdoings.
I have always joked with my pupils at the school that women have evolved significantly over the last 60 or 70 years. In the past, many women were submissive in their marriages or social contexts that demanded such behaviour. Today, however, women are free—rightfully so—to create their own lifestyles and make decisions that align with their needs.
Our first reference to a woman is often our mother; my experience with her was not very positive. Over time, I believe—though I am not entirely sure—that she became a better person, especially towards the end of her life. However, I still remember her as someone who was extremely cruel and spiteful in her choices and actions.
I have also had serious relationships with girlfriends who share similarities with my mother, which makes me realise that I might be repeating a pattern from my childhood. I find myself drawn to female figures who remind me of her, and I recognise that this has caused me some suffering. It feels like I am searching for what I lacked in my relationship with my mother.
Anything normal, peaceful, and kind may seem foreign to me. I genuinely do not know if this perception is accurate, but I am actively working to understand it.
I might be foolish for blindly getting involved with the wrong kind of partner. Ultimately, we are responsible for our choices—the buck stops with us. Can a man indeed be good for a woman? Can he be kind, helpful, and supportive, always wanting the best for her? Can he be there for her, assisting with her problems and issues, as well as contributing to the housework?
One observation that I take discreet pride in is that all the women who have been in relationships with me—whether as my daughters’ mothers or ex-girlfriends—have emerged from those experiences better than when they entered. I recognise this clearly.
Cibele and Nalva emerged from their relationships in a better position than when they started. They experienced improvements financially and geographically, although their emotional well-being may not have followed suit, as any separation can be undeniably challenging. I deeply respect the mothers of my daughters and am grateful for everything they represent.
I also want to apologise for my many flaws and limitations. At the very least, they are in a better place than before. This is my perspective; perhaps speaking with them would provide a different viewpoint, but that is a discussion for another time.
Over the last 60 years, women have made significant strides toward emancipation and independence. With the rise of the internet, women have developed and excelled in various aspects of society. But what about men? Since the introduction of the birth control pill, it seems that men have not evolved in the same way.
Women have begun to take over fields once dominated by men, with strong representation across many subjects and professions. In several industries, there are now more women than men. Today, women stand alongside men in nearly all areas and levels of the market.
This shift is not limited to traditional roles, such as nursing or caregiving, which align with women’s nurturing nature. Women have made strides in fields like engineering and other sciences and roles that demand accountability and leadership—positions that men typically held in the past.
The new lifestyle of women today is characterised by independence. Many women no longer need a man to help pay their bills or provide for them. So, the question arises: why remain with someone who is a burden? If financial dependence is no longer a factor, then a woman’s choice to have a man in her life should be based solely on his positive qualities.
For a financially independent woman, the ideal partner should be a supportive companion—whether as a husband, boyfriend, or father. It is only logical to seek a relationship that enhances her life rather than complicates it. In a world where money plays a significant role, being with someone who is not proactive or supportive does not make sense.
This is a significant discussion, and I hope my viewpoints and questions have not come across as too chauvinistic. I find this topic interesting and would appreciate your feedback. Thank you, and I apologise if anyone feels offended in any way.
In bed by 10.00 pm.
Thank you.
Thanks for reading this blog post. Please explore my other posts and share your thoughts in the comments section.
Richard
