Copacabana, Rio de Janeiro: 25oC, warm, sunny and slightly overcast.
Friday marks the end of the week. This week was not as productive as I would have liked, but it was not so bad.
I am feeling stuck and need to find a way out. I have not finished the “PlaceBeads” site yet, which is really bothering me. I should complete it by the bank holiday on Thursday, as next week is my final deadline.
It is a countdown to my trip to England, and my nerves are beginning to fray a little. I have already had a run-in with Yasmin, which worries me. At her age, she seems to have little enthusiasm and no thirst for life. I want her to be better and to embrace life and its challenges.
I know she is a teenager, which brings its own complications, but at her age, I was much more active—one hundred times more so. I cannot shake the feeling that she is depressed in some way, and I feel powerless to help; my hands seem tied.
I have tried to guide her in various ways, like encouraging exercise, going for walks, and getting back into drawing. However, she often loses interest and eventually gives up, always finding an excuse for it. That is the crux of the issue; too many people have learned the ease of offering excuses.
Just providing an excuse resolves everything. I truly hope my daughter can find a way out of this vicious circle and rediscover her path. I keep questioning whether I have been a bad or absent father, which might have contributed to her struggles.
Nalva and I had another fight, this time about gratitude. I had noticed during our time living together in Flamengo in the past, when Yasmin was a baby, that she rarely expressed thankfulness for anything, including the people in her life—me included.
She consistently focused on finding faults and criticising others rather than appreciating the support or help she received. It seems much easier for her to point out shortcomings than to acknowledge when someone goes out of their way to do something nice for her.
Yasmin and I spent the afternoon cleaning the flat. Yasmin tackled the living room and bedroom while I took care of the bathroom. I also changed the sheets and towels. Now, everything in the house is clean and tidy, which gives it a positive vibe.
I knew that when she arrived, there would not be a single word of encouragement or positive recognition. We had spent three or four hours doing housework to create a positive vibe and energy in the flats. Yet, when Nalva arrived, there was nothing good to say.
I am not concerned about myself or seeking validation; I enjoy doing housework and these tasks. However, for Yasmin, recognition for doing good things brings positive reactions and outcomes. What is worse than not being acknowledged for our efforts is facing criticism or finding faults in our work.
I am not talking about myself—I genuinely do not care about that. I am concerned about Yasmin. Her mother needs to recognise her efforts to contribute positively to the home for everyone’s sake, not just her own. Recognition is not just about feeling good; it serves as an incentive for the future. It teaches Yasmin that when she does something positive, it is customary to receive positive feedback rather than negativity that brings her down.
Nalva’s criticism. It is not that I do not want to improve if there is a better way to do something; I am willing to learn. However, it feels like something is always wrong, and it is never enough for her. This person has a serious issue. I am not concerned about myself but about my daughter.
When I lived in Copacabana, Yasmin often complained about her mother. She said that her mother never recognised or praised her efforts. Despite Yasmin doing things around the house, her mother always found faults and reasons to criticise.
I feel sorry for Yasmin because her mother is seriously unable to recognise her and my efforts. I have known for a long time that Nalva struggles with low self-esteem. To feel good, strong, or powerful, she needs to put others down, including those closest to her—like me.
As I mentioned, my primary concern is for my daughter and her mental health. I have suggested on a few occasions that Nalva seek therapy, as I believe it would be beneficial—not just for her but for all of us. However, she prefers reading the Bible instead of seeking professional help. In my view, this is a way of avoiding the real problem.
I care deeply for my daughter and understand how these issues may impact her. However, I recognise that I will soon be away from this situation, so it will not be my immediate concern. Still, I am worried about the lasting consequences that such negativity and toxicity might have in their lives.
I cannot resolve this issue with Yasmin right now, but I hope any future consequences will not be too severe for my daughter. It is essential to encourage and teach her the value of positive reinforcement. The more we validate our children positively, the better they will thrive. While it can be easy for us to set bad examples and habits, providing them with good examples and healthy habits is far more important. As parents, it is our responsibility to do so.
After living together for more than five months, the cracks are beginning to show. I must be careful, stay quiet, and control myself until I go to England.
In bed by 11.00 pm.
Thank you.
Thanks for reading this blog post. Please explore my other posts and share your thoughts in the comments section.
Richard
