Copacabana, Rio de Janeiro: 29oC, hot, sunny, stuffy and slightly overcast.
Today was supposed to be a productive day. I aimed to prepare and draft three or four posts for the blog.
However, that didn’t happen. I managed to prepare one in the morning, but I either got delayed or distracted for the rest of the day.
Nalva thinks that she has got COVID, so I had to go out to get medicine. Afterwards, I had a late lunch. Yasmin had a friend’s birthday party at a bar/restaurant in Botafogo, so Nalva and I took Yasmin there and then walked back to Flamengo.
I find it very easy to talk to people while walking. When I lived in Copacabana, Yasmin and I would have our best conversations during our street walks. I have had various girlfriends, and on weekends, whether we were walking along the beach or in the countryside, we had great, meaningful conversations while walking.
Walking home with Nalva was no different than before any other occasion. We started talking, and at times, we found ourselves arguing. Our conversations often became heated as we discussed Yasmin, our current situation, the past, and the future.
It felt like I was finally able to release the weight off my chest, addressing the turmoil that had been troubling me for the last twenty years. I confronted all the things that had upset me—my experiences as a father, my time as a husband in the past, and my role as an ex-husband now.
Nalva also shared her thoughts with me, even when they contradicted my words. This was a good thing; it gave me the chance to express what I had been carrying for so long.
It wasn’t part of any plan, nor was it something I had thought about doing deliberately. It was just something crowding my mind, and I needed to let it out to feel relieved. It happened naturally, and afterwards, I felt much better.
She mentioned something Yasmin had said to her during my time living in Copacabana, which surprised me a bit. However, it wasn’t anything too serious. When the time is right, I’ll ask Yasmin to find out what it really was.
I have noticed for a long time that Nalva often involves others in her comments about you as a way to justify or validate her perspective. I find this behaviour extraordinarily toxic and indicative of poor character. It feels like a method to hurt or manipulate someone. Interestingly, this is something my mother frequently did when I was a child.
She would often quote or claim to repeat what someone—like an uncle, aunt, or friend—had said about me to her. She would weaponise those words, using them against me for her convenience. Nalva reminds me of my mother, who behaved similarly during my childhood.
However, as I grew older, I became immune to my mother’s cruelty, almost like a vaccine that protected me from such situations.
After living with Nalva for over ten years, I noticed that on many occasions, she would use what someone else said about me to justify her actions, hurt me, or manipulate the situation. While this behaviour reminds me of my experiences with my mother in the past, it doesn’t affect me as much anymore. Instead, it simply leaves me disappointed with that person, which, for me now, is a sign of poor character.
It’s important to remember that when someone uses what another person has said about you in a hostile, aggressive, or cruel way, you can’t know if it’s true or understand the context of those words.
For instance, I didn’t take it seriously when Nalva claimed that Yasmin had said something about me while I was living in Copacabana. Firstly, I sensed that she was trying to hurt me, and second, I had no way of knowing whether what she said accurately reflected the context of Yasmin’s words and feelings.
Returning to my earlier point, sometimes it’s important to express what’s troubling us or what we’ve been holding inside. If we spend too much time brooding over our thoughts and feelings, it’s better to let them out rather than keep them bottled up.
We might reach our breaking point and explode if we don’t. This can also turn into a kind of emotional cancer, festering and growing inside of us, eating away at us, which can erode our health from the inside out.
I thought it was funny that even after the heated conversation when we arrived home, we took Perola for a walk and talked even more. When we got back after the walk, Nalva made popcorn with bacon; she’s always cooking, even when she’s not feeling well. Yasmin arrived home after 11:00 pm, which was fine; her friends’ parents brought her back. She told us that she had a good night.
In bed by midnight.
Thank you.
Thanks for reading this blog post. Please explore my other posts and share your thoughts in the comments section.
Richard
