Rio de Janeiro: 29°C, hot, sunny and a little overcast.
It is the eve of the first of three bank holidays in November. This is the penultimate month of the year, and I will be visiting England for the first time in 22 years.
It feels like an eternity, almost a generation. The countdown has begun, and I am keen to go. My stay with Nalva and Yasmin is starting to wear a bit thin. Yasmin hasn’t properly spoken to me since July, when I asked her to do two things during her school holidays.
As a result, all hell has broken loose. I had asked her to try not to use her cell phone during the day—only after 5:00 p.m. I wanted to incentivize her to find things to do during the day and only use her mobile phone at the end of the day so that she could use her time to explore her creativity, as she has always done since she was a small girl.
The second thing was for her to either go to the gym to work out and exercise or walk for an hour every day to get out in the street, soak up some sun, and feel good about herself. Ideally, she could have done both: she could have enrolled in a gym while also going for a walk every day, but these two simple requests I made became the catalyst for a nuclear war at home, resulting in her doing neither of them, and I became public enemy number one.
I thought it would improve, but it has only worsened. I do not know whether it is me. Am I wrong? Am I stupid because I am stupid? Or am I stupid because I had not seen the cruel side of my daughter before? Have I been blind all this time? Only now can I see she can be cruel when she chooses to be. I have tried to show her, at this complex age before adulthood, that what she cultivates now can lay the foundation for the rest of her life.
My father was never around, and my mother was excessively hysterical and unbalanced. I have tried to guide my younger daughter towards a promising future. However, in return, I have faced great stress, backstabbing, and unfair accusations. I am also very shocked, surprised, and extremely disappointed in her.
It’s another three weeks until I go to England. What should I do? In the medium term, I’m not entirely sure. Should I return to Brazil in a couple of months? Stay in England? Or go somewhere else? I don’t know!
My dream is to acquire land in the town of Terasopolis in the state of Rio de Janeiro, nestled in the mountains I visited two years ago, with approximately three acres—just large enough to avoid hearing or seeing neighbours. It boasted over a thousand eucalyptus trees, each standing 20 metres high, whispering with the rustle of the wind amidst a cool climate.
Building a tiny house there would be straightforward, allowing me to spend six months in Terasopolis in the mountains and six months travelling and creating content. That is my dream, and it will only be feasible over the medium to long term.
So, what should I do for now? After everything with Yasmin, I want to distance myself from them for a while, as a father and an ex-supportive husband.
Nalva is all right. I recognise that her life is difficult and not easy for her. However, to spit on the hand that feeds her is neither intelligent nor logical. I have always believed she is 99% emotional and 1% rational; the confusion last night was evidence of that.
She has an unfair side that emerges when she gets angry and explodes. She says anything to justify her position or her reasons to the extent that it turns into quite a dirty game defending her point of view. She feels the need to hurt the other person, and if she doesn’t, she believes she hasn’t properly justified herself, which is exceedingly cruel and unjust.
It is nearly vulgar. Unfortunately, I believe that Yasmin has picked up a bit of the same, evidently through example and by having more contact with her mother than with me at times. A mother’s influence can have a profound effect on a child’s overall education and character.
It also reminds me of my mother, who also has this tendency when she’s angry or when she thinks she is right to say whatever she wants when she wants; it doesn’t matter how much she hurts the person who is on the receiving end.
I feel that I’m too old for this kind of treatment and stress. I need to protect myself from negativity. I’m fortunate to be going to England, where I can have time to do what I want, go where I want, and formulate my next plan.
The year is ending, but a new one is about to begin.
In bed by midnight.
Thank you.
Thanks for reading this blog post. Please explore my other posts and share your thoughts in the comments section.
Richard
