Wordsley, Stourbridge, England: 1 degrees, cold, sunny, overcast and rainy.
I’m trying to get up early here, like in Brazil, but it isn’t easy. At least the last two days, I have slept well.
Instead of going out for an early walk and not wanting to get confused by class times clashing with the time differences between England and Brazil, I decided to stay in, make myself a cup of tea, and exercise downstairs in the front living room.
I gave a couple of classes, and then I was free for three or four hours. I decided to find a locksmith to make me a copy of my mother’s front and back door keys. I asked at the local coffee shop I am going to. The waitress said one was in Brettel Lane, about a three-kilometre walk from where I was. It is also next to my parents’ first house on the Main Street in Brettel Lane. We lived there over 50 years ago. It was, I think, our first house before we moved to Wollaston, where I spent most of my childhood.
I don’t have any memories of there, just a couple of black-and-white photos. I was too young, and I think Russell was not yet born or still a baby. So, I walked along the main road and got a copy of the keys done for £9, which is about R$55 Brazilian Reais, which was more or less the same price as in Brazil.
On the way back, I looked at a couple of shops in the main High Street that I remember from my childhood: a toy shop, a sportswear shop, and a newsagent. I would go there as a child, sometimes alone or with my grandmother. Now, some are closed or have nothing to do with what they were in the past.
Just Gone!!!
Also, on the way back, I almost bought some fish and chips from a fish and chip shop very near my mother’s, but luckily, I didn’t because my mother had bought some food. I have been in England for one week now and I haven’t neither eaten fish and chips the famous English meal that’s Brazilians like to take the piss out off; they don’t know what they’re missing, nor have I been to a pub and had a pint.
If it were 10 years ago, I would have had a beer, fish, and chips the moment I landed and put my feet on British soil.
What made my day was sending some copies/screenshots of photos to Jessica, but more specifically, Cibele. As I said before, there are lots of family photos spread all over the house, more precisely in the front and back living rooms, but also in other places. There are two or three very lovely old photos of Cibele, Jessica, and me together. These photos are from more than 30 years ago, when Jessica was born, and her christening when she was one year old.
Cibele was and is still a beautiful woman; she looked very lovely in the photos, and it’s clear that she was extremely photogenic. I had forgotten about these photos from such a long time ago, but I took pictures of them and sent them to Jessica because I think they are so nice and reminded me of the past.
Even though we did not stay together, for various reasons, I was lucky to be a part of her life and have had the time I had with her. Jessica was always a very beautiful little girl, very stylish, and until today, she still is.
Both are very Beautiful in their own ways!!!
I didn’t know if sending the photos would send the wrong message to them. I just wanted to say affectionately that what we had was not a waste, but worth it. We had a beautiful and intelligent daughter together; these were good times.
I deeply admire Cibele, both for what she represents as a woman and the role she played in my life. As I look at the photos, I often experience flashbacks of guilt and remorse regarding the past. However, without making too many excuses, I believe it was not meant to be.
Besides everyday problems that any relationship or couple has to go through, I think young couples are particularly trapped and cursed for doom in Rio de Janeiro. For a young couple beginning together, it is challenging, fraught with challenges and almost impossible to succeed. I felt it with both Cibele and Nalva, and apart from my faults, flaws and limitations, which are many, Rio is extremely cruel, brutal and even perverse to young couples.
Since I lived in Flamengo with Nalva for almost 20 years, very few couples from that period are still together, if any. Financial, social and logistical problems weigh heavily, and even when you have support from families, there is no guarantee that it will work out.
It was clear to me at that time, when Yasmin was a baby, that many young couples had the support of their families either financially or to help in the day-to-day logistical problems of taking the baby to school, paying bills, shopping, etc. I had told Nalva from the beginning that we did not have such support; my mother lives in England, but I think even if she were here, she would not. Nalva’s mother had died shortly after Yasmin was born, and her sisters live in a neighbouring town, so they only come to Rio for commemorations, birthdays, etc.
I told Nalva from the beginning that we only have ourselves to depend on, and that if we don’t work as a team, it would be challenging to survive and flourish, and it was true. In the first five years after Yasmin was born besides some good occasions it was difficult for us in terms of surviving, paying all the bills in the South zone of Rio which is very expensive, putting Yasmin in a good school to guarantee her future and juggling what has to be done on a day-to-day basis; it still is difficult until today as Brazil is worsening every day, but at that time it was very hard.
I have made many mistakes, and I am sorry for them. I recognise that both my ex-wives and the mothers of my two daughters were maybe the most important people in my life, even though it hasn’t always seemed like that.
I have not told all the factors and things to consider, but I am eternally grateful for the daughters they gave me and, in some ways, for the time we spent together. I am not bitter; if anything, I should be angry with myself, for only I am responsible and accountable for my decisions and actions. At the same time, I do not regret anything; if it had had to happen, then that’s the way it is, and I am grateful!
It is always my fault!
Because of the time difference between England and Brazil, I worked until 10:00 p.m. and was in bed by 11.
Thank you.
Thanks for reading this blog post. Please explore my other posts and share your thoughts in the comments section.
Richard
