Wordsley, Stourbridge, England: 8 degrees, cold, overcast, and rainy.
I have been in England for 19 days now, and I’m having a whale of a time.
Not a good time as in partying and going out every night, but a whale of a time in respect to being able to do all the things I had come to England to do and more. I have gone to places I had intended or wanted to go to before coming, and I have done more than I hadn’t expected to have done and gone in such a short time.
I also know that there are many more places I want to visit before returning to Brazil. I think my first month is more about settling in and acclimatising, going to places on my list, and spending quality time with my mother. Deep down, I think we have both been surprised by ourselves regarding each other.
I was never very close to or affectionate towards my mother, possibly because I’m a bit that way, she made me that way and also due to the fights, confusions, and stress from the past. My mother was never affectionate, and whenever she tried to be loving, it always seemed to be not that truthful, or genuine, not the kind of affection you would expect from a mother.
We seem to be getting on, and I’m helping as much as possible in the house and paying my way, which I think is important concerning food expenses, etc. It is also clear that she is doing everything possible to make me feel welcome and try to facilitate my stay while I’m here, which is nice and very much appreciated.
However, I also think she’s extremely domineering and overpowering at times, which has always been part of her nature. Maybe it’s also because she is old or has lived alone for the last 20 years; she has her ways, routine, customs, etc., since Roger died.
The next test will be after Christmas when I visit my brother in Sheffield, in the north of England. I will have to stay in his neighbour’s house, Steven. I knew Steven in the past when he came to Brazil while he was travelling on holiday around South America. My brother indicated that while Steven was in Rio, we met for some beers, and Nalva cooked him a meal at our home in Flamingo before he moved on to other cities in Brazil.
As for staying in his house, I don’t like staying and sleeping in someone else’s home, especially when it is not family or friends, but I’ll have to do it because there is no other choice.
The second or third test, depending on how we view it, is my relationship with my brother and how we will spend time together. When we were children, we frequently fought, and even as adults, we have had some altercations. Our recent telephone calls have also been somewhat confrontational, which seems to be a longstanding pattern between us. Additionally, he enjoys drinking, so I will need to join him at some of his regular pubs.
Although the big test will be how my mother will take it when I return from staying with my brother and his family. The last time I was here, I spent Boxing Day, the 26th of December, with my brother and his family, and we all had a great time. His family made me very welcome for the day.
However, my mother had an attack, an outburst of jealousy after that, lasting from that day until I left with aggressive hysterical fits and confrontations, allegations, and hyper stress while also bringing things up from my childhood, 20, 30, 40 years ago, accusing me of things that were dead and buried that had nothing to do with today.
It was a shit storm!!!
Pure hell for the two or three weeks until I went back to Brazil.
Now, thinking about my mother and all that I know about her over the years, I sometimes feel that she’s wise in some of her decisions and other times completely childish, insecure, and driven by jealousy, which probably results from a very low level of emotional intelligence.
Again, thinking about it now, it is clear that my mother is extremely emotionally immature, and looking back at all the fights that she has had and caused with not just my brother and me but our father, the neighbours, people that have contact with her, etc, it was just her emotional insecurity all the time.
I will have to be very careful how I play this, so as not to ruin or spoil my trip, as I do not want to put highly inflammable kerosene onto fire. The idea is to have a nice simple Christmas with my mother and then go up to Sheffield and undoubtedly get pissed off at least twice there.
I’m beginning to imagine going back to Brazil in March of next year. My mother’s birthday is on the 8th of March. If I go back after that date, I would like to come back to England towards the end of the year again. Another factor in this equation is Brazil.
How will Brazil be next year with this labour socialist communist government? Although Brazil was already in a bad situation, it is getting even worse all the time!
The question is: Would it be better to stay in England for more time and let things blow over in Brazil?
Let’s see!!!
I’m sure that the right signs will appear to direct me in the right way.
Classes until 10:00 p.m.
In bed by 11 p.m.
Thank you.
Thanks for reading this blog post. Please explore my other posts and share your thoughts in the comments section.
Richard
