Wordsley, Stourbridge, England: 13 degrees, warmish and very windy.
Today was a quiet day. I woke up early, followed by a hard workout in the living room.
I had just two classes during the day, and the rest of the time was spent feeding the ducks and swans, taking a walk and doing little else. I have no more classes for the rest of the year, so I’m off, and it’s a much-appreciated rest. Usually, during this period, I completely switch off, do very little, and relax.
My relaxation this year will be very different.
Christmas with my mom, and hopefully I’ll visit the pub at lunchtime on Christmas Day and have a big, late and heavy Christmas lunch afterwards. My mother will cook a leg of lamb, which is not really the ideal joint for Christmas, but as I haven’t eaten lamb since my last visit to England, more than 20 years ago, maybe it will be a welcome change.
Christmas night will be one of the Christmas films that are constantly shown in England at Christmas, either “The Sound of Music” or “Love Actually”. There are no plans for Boxing Day yet, but it will likely involve a quick visit to the pub and an opportunity to enjoy the leftovers from Christmas Day.
My last Boxing Day in England was very special, but it later cost me a lot of unnecessary stress. I had spent Christmas Day with my mother, and Boxing Day was with my brother and his family. This was over 20 years ago; my brother was living next door, and Luke, my 16-year-old nephew, was not born yet.
Debbie, my brother’s wife, had her mother and husband came as well for the day, and we all took turns drawing unknown/surprise presents from Santa’s box. Everyone had a wonderful time; we ate, drank, and enjoyed ourselves.
I went back to my mother’s super late.
After that visit to my brother’s, it was clear that my mother had an attack of jealousy because all of us had had a good time on Boxing Day with his family. And as she was not included due to my mother and brother, and his family not speaking to each other since before then, and still not to this day. My mother made the rest of my trip hell; she was completely uncontrollable, hysterical, fired by jealousy.
To a certain extent, the jealousy attack could be understandable, as she was unfortunately left out; however, that was obviously due to the war between my brother and my mother, as well as the consequences of what my mother had caused beforehand.
However, what was not understandable was that she made the rest of my stay in England hell, as if it were somehow my fault or I was responsible for it. From the 26th of December until I left, I think it was on the 5th of January, my mother was completely uncontrollable.
What happened after Boxing Day has been an issue for me for the last 20 years; perhaps it’s why, unconsciously, I haven’t wanted to return to England in such a long time. Consciously, I put it down to having the school, which took up all of my time, but now looking back, it seems that with so much confusion the last time after Boxing Day, I felt very wary this time coming to England, not knowing precisely what would happen.
This trip has been beneficial in helping me understand my mother better. I still think that she’s a complicated person who is highly opinionated and has low emotional intelligence, while also having other paranoias and neuroses. However, I also believe that she has adapted to her new way of life over the last 20 years, without a husband or partner, and has neither family, nor children, nor grandchildren.
Sometimes, when I called my mother from Brazil, I felt that she was playing the victim too much, always stating that she was alone without family and that I was on the other side of the world, etc. Now that I’m here, it’s much less than what I had expected. I still think she’s very domineering, manipulative, and if you don’t put boundaries, she will trample all over you, so you have to be careful.
The trip has helped me gain a better understanding of my mother, although it’s still early, and I’m bracing myself for some unexpected challenges. This experience reminds me of my time with Nalva before coming to England, where I also invested time in understanding her.
I believe that being empathetic and trying to understand another person is a form of generosity, which ultimately benefits everyone involved.
It seems that life is urging me to tie up some loose ends, as if preparing me for something better in the coming year. I want to eliminate any doubts and resolve problematic situations, ensuring that everything is settled for a fresh start before it’s too late.
Resuming, Christmas with my mother, then six days in Sheffield and New Year with my brother and his family, and hopefully the beginning of a new business next year.
In bed by 11.30 p.m.
Thank you.
Thanks for reading this blog post. Please explore my other posts and share your thoughts in the comments section.
Richard
