Wordsley, Stourbridge, England: 1 degree, cold, snowy, but the sun is shining with a beautiful, clear blue sky.
It’s Monday, the start of the week. I’ve lost count of how many weeks I’ve been in England, probably about seven or eight.
I woke up to a beautiful, bitterly cold day with a thin layer of snow on the ground from the night before, but with a lovely blue sky. Usually, when it snows, the sky is heavy, a little grey and overcast, but it is completely clear with a turquoise blue. It is also interesting how you get used to the heat inside and the home’s insulation from the cold outside.
Even though the heating is not on full blast, when you open the outside door, the cold suddenly smacks you in the face full on. I’m enjoying the cold with the sun and blue sky; it’s cold, but because it’s not raining and there’s sunshine, it’s okay. I’m happy. There’s a lot to be said for the positive effects of the sun on our behaviour, mood, and happiness.
It’s Jessica, my elder daughter’s birthday. She’s 31 today. I’m happy for her and her mother, too. She’s a beautiful daughter who has established herself in her studies, her work, and her personal life. She’s with Mario, her common-law husband, and they both seem to be very happy together, which makes me happy for her.
Sometimes I feel that I have either disappointed her as a father, or perhaps I’m not the father she would have liked to have had. Within my limitations, I have always tried to do what was possible, not always what I or she wanted or could have, but this is life.
Our relationship is distant to the point that, out of everyday family occasions such as birthdays, Christmas, and New Year’s, we seldom communicate or meet. Ultimately, even meeting on Christmas and New Year is difficult. I don’t mind so much for myself, but it seems clearer and clearer that it is the same for her half-sister, Yasmin.
This hurts me more, and I have tried in the past not to let it happen, but it seems stronger than my effort and what I can do. As a bit of a comfort, I know of other families where the parents divorced and remarried, and the siblings never managed to contact each other in the same way as blood relations. Even blood relations face their problems, so it’s not as simple. I only need to look at the relationship I have with my brother.
Sometimes, as parents, we desire everything for our children, but we know full well that it is impossible. Still, we try, and of course, it rarely works out. Will my daughters ever keep in touch with each other after I am gone? I like to think so, as any parent would, but I am doubtful. Only time will tell, especially after I have gone.
I went out during the day to do some errands. I sent a message to Jessica early in the morning in England, which is three hours ahead of Brazil. I only received a reply in the middle of the day, probably around 10:00 in the morning in Brazil. I asked her when a good time would be to call, and she replied with early evening Brazilian time, so that would be about 10:00 or 11:00 in England.
I called Yasmin before I called Jessica. I had asked her the day before to call her sister on her birthday, but Yasmin didn’t feel at ease calling Jessica freely at any time like a normal person. She thought that it was better to send a message. As a father, it cuts my heart, but what can I do? I know that it isn’t really her fault; maybe it’s not anybody’s fault, it’s just the way it is!
I think there’s an economic factor at play, but it’s not the right time to discuss it.
I called Jessica, and we spoke. My mother, her grandmother, and I wished her a very happy birthday, and everything was in order. I also called Nalva, and we chatted for a while about what had happened, what needed to be done, and what was truly necessary, both here in England and there in Brazil.
I made scrambled eggs on toast for both my mother and me for dinner. It was quite nice; she didn’t want anything more for her dinner.
Nobody died!
In bed by 11.30 p.m.
Thank you.
Thanks for reading this blog post. Please explore my other posts and share your thoughts in the comments section.
Richard
