Wordsley, Stourbridge, England: -3 degrees during the night. During the day, it is 3 degrees with sun and blue skies.
It’s bitterly cold in Wordsley, but still sunny, which is a plus!
I’m trying to get up early, but as I’ve mentioned before, it seems almost impossible until now. The three-hour difference also seems to coincide with my 8:00 a.m. English time and the 5:00 a.m. Brazilian time.
I feel that now, with the end of January approaching, and having been in England since the end of November, almost two months, I must decide what exactly I intend to do for the next three or four months. Christmas and New Year have passed. I have visited many places that I wanted to visit since my childhood. I have also established a reasonably good routine here, and it’s a miracle that my mother and I haven’t had a serious argument or fight yet.
My mother has undergone a knee replacement operation, so I have helped to keep everything good and tidy at home. I have also delivered the letter concerning my uncle’s will and my possible small inheritance. A lot has been done, and slowly but surely, the classes are coming back to normal as before Christmas.
What I haven’t done, or would have liked to have done, and still want to do:
- Buy a good camera, either a hybrid that can do both video and stills, or two cameras, each in their respective areas. Buying two is definitely more expensive, but it would mean I would have my own photo equipment.
- Buy presents for the whole family in Brazil, but I only really need to do this closer to the time I’m going back.
- Start an automated YouTube channel for “The long gringo”, using the blog entries, photos, and AI. I would like to have it set up before I return to Brazil.
- Buy me some clothes; I already have some new ones, but I’d like to get some more before I go back.
- Perhaps consider buying a bicycle and leaving it in England or taking it back to Brazil.
I think that’s it; now it’s just a question of talking to my mother and coming to some kind of agreement about the short future. I don’t know if it’s because my mother has spent so many years alone that she’s not used to having anybody around anymore. I’m always trying to be considerate with her and not tread on her toes, metaphorically speaking, but I always feel that I’m walking on eggshells with her and have to be careful about what I do or say.
Frankly, I am a grown man of almost sixty, so the idea of living with my mother for a long time is both strange, unacceptable, outdated, and a little tacky. There is the old saying that once you leave home, you never go back, and I think that is true to a certain point, but obviously, each circumstance or situation is different.
Although my mother and I are not particularly close, I was much closer to my grandmother, her mother, than to her. I have always found my mother to be a very difficult person. While I can manage short periods of contact with her, it becomes unbearable after a certain amount of time has passed.
Unfortunately, during such interactions, her true character tends to reveal itself, like anyone, and that includes my own. I believe my mother struggles with living with others, especially since my stepfather, Roger, passed away over twenty years ago.
I always think that it’s important; I’m not sure whether it’s naivety, stupidity, or just trying to do the right thing. That’s even though we have problems with our parents or peers, we must take into consideration that they are older than us and, because of that, they perhaps need our help, our attention, and should not be left entirely alone or, in the worst case, abandoned.
However, the impression that I get from my mother is that this is not necessarily important for her, as probably in some ways her feelings for me are reciprocal and because of that, she doesn’t feel so close and that she does not need help or does not want to be grateful for such help.
It’s important to avoid getting lost in endless analysis and overthinking. Sometimes, the best approach is simply to give it time—only then will the true situation become clear.
Having said all that, there is a possibility that I could open a small business here and eventually rent a place for myself. This idea has been slowly fermenting in my mind, and let’s see where it ultimately takes me. Working for someone at my age is almost impossible; I must value what I have done, created, and built until now and learn how to use it to the best of my abilities in England.
There are still many things to resolve, decide, and conclude, and hopefully, I will have a clearer position in the next couple of weeks.
It is also important to remember that Brazil is in a complicated situation now, and it will only get worse. I don’t really want to go back so soon.
My ideal life would be to spend six months in England and six months in Brazil every year!
In bed by midnight.
Thank you.
Thanks for reading this blog post. Please explore my other posts and share your thoughts in the comments section.
Richard
