Wordsley, Stourbridge, England: 8 degrees, chilly, grey, a little rainy but fresh.
I was up late, exercised late, and I stayed at home, not in the street. My first class at 11 a.m. was also cancelled. This month is a bit of a shambles, even more so since I’m currently in England.
January is always a chaotic month—Broke after Christmas and the New Year. People are on holiday, the country(Brazil) is not yet in gear, and with this government in power now, there is even more confusion and insecurity about where the country and the lives of its people are headed in the future.
I am feeling that I am at a bit of a crossroads. Should I stay in England for more three or four months, or should I start preparing to return to Brazil? I’m not sure if I really want to return to Brazil, and I’m also not really sure about staying in England.
We often discuss the weather, but talking about it repeatedly can be boring. However, how much does the weather impact our lives and happiness? It’s a somewhat silly question, considering England has a population of approximately 70 million people and surely, a good percentage of these people must be happy.
And are they happy and healthy, both physically and mentally?
Am I still really English? Many times, people in England look at me as though I’m an alien, just like in Brazil, especially when I open my mouth and begin to talk. It is as if I am between two countries or worlds, and perhaps I don’t seem to belong in either of them.
One of the things I discussed with Carl, my mother’s solicitor, was this. He analysed my situation, and we talked about it. He thought that, potentially, there was quite a good market for me, given my experience, to earn money in England. He also believed that if I returned to live in England permanently, it would not be a problem for me to make a living here.
Am I lost? Am I wasting time, which is the most important commodity a person has, because I can’t decide what to do? It’s not that I’m not doing anything. I’m giving classes, paying bills, and supporting Yasmin and Nalva in Brazil. I write my journal entries every day and post a blog post at least five or six times a week. So, it’s not as if I’m stagnant or dead; it’s that I want more, and I want it with the right person.
So, after all this faffing around, I have now come to what the problem really is!!!
I want to know where I can have a good life with the right person. I’m ready to settle down again before it’s too late, but it has to be with the right person and in the right place!!!
So, which is the right place and who is the right person?
The waitress I like so much from the local café asked me a week ago when I would be going back to Brazil or how long I would be staying in England, and I promptly replied, “How long is a piece of string?” And she replied without batting an eyelid, “It can be a very long time”.
Perhaps my stay in England will be longer than expected. Maybe I will have to return to Brazil for six months and then come back for another six months to England. This possibility of six months here and six months there has been forming in my mind for quite some time now.
What I do know is that I cannot return to Brazil without a new camera. I need to buy a new camera before I leave. As for finding someone to get serious with, I’m not sure, and only fate will present me with that person if I deserve to be with her for a good time while I can.
I had a simple dinner with my mother and a late supper.
In bed by midnight.
Thank you.
Thanks for reading this blog post. Please explore my other posts and share your thoughts in the comments section.
Richard
