Wordsley, Stourbridge, England: 9 degrees, cold, grey, damp and a lot of rain.
In Brazil, it is the eve of Carnival. What I’ve heard from my pupils is that it is very hot and stuffy in Rio. Here in the middle of England, it is reasonably cold, wet, and damp but bearable.
There was supposed to be snow, but it never came, and there is supposed to be a second wave of snow, but I don’t think it will hit this region of the country. What I have noticed is that the weather in England is easing up; it is certainly not as cold as when I arrived at the end of November last year. At that time, it was -2 and now it is a boiling 9°.
The last time I walked was last weekend, and it was cold, with snow expected. I haven’t been out for a long walk for almost a week, and I’m missing it. Exercise and the series with elastic bands are good, but they don’t replace walking. Hopefully, tomorrow I will be able to get out and breathe in some cold, fresh air, giving my brain vital oxygen and natural therapy.
I did, however, go shopping for my mother to resolve a money issue. My mother didn’t have a £5 note to pay the cleaner from a couple of days before, and instead of giving the girl a £10 note and deducting the extra £5 the next time she comes to clean, she preferred not to pay the girl, saying that she would get a £5 note later, pay her afterwards but still owed her £5.
As the next day was raining too much to go out, my mother couldn’t get a £5 note, which consequently caused a lot of stress when the girl called my mother asking for the money. My mother became upset with the situation, which escalated into a lot of bad feelings that I had to resolve.
The lesson learned was that if she had paid an extra £5 and arranged to deduct it the next time, it would have avoided a lot of stress. To pay £5 in advance and escape, relieving yourself of the stress and bad feeling, is a small price to pay compared to the punishment you would face if you didn’t try to facilitate the situation and, more importantly, for your own sake.
During my mother’s mental meltdown, she started bringing up past events involving the girl and her family to justify her position and to convince herself more than me that she was right. It was more important for my mother to convince herself that she was right. Why are people so obsessed with being right instead of just feeling right and having a clear conscience? Perhaps it’s because, deep down, they sense they aren’t.
I prefer to be happy and do what is best for both, and without judgement!!!
So like a good loyal trooper, I went out into the rain, got the shopping, got a £5 note for my mother, and when I got back home, I put the total amount of money in an envelope and delivered it to the next-door neighbours’ house, which is where the girl’s boyfriend lives.
The instructions were for me to deliver to the boyfriend’s parents. When I arrived, the father, a Jamaican man, was already outside in front of the door, leisurely drinking a beer with a friend, which I found quite funny. He received me very well and I gave him the envelope, telling him to give it to Beth, his son’s girlfriend and our cleaner when possible.
It was clear to me that the family are very simple but also very good people. My mother, because of the situation, began to put them down when I got back. My mother was sitting in the back living room, and I told her that I was very well received, that they are straightforward people, far from being bad, and that they are clearly good. I also told her that she, my mother, should give them some slack. I think she understood what I was trying to say.
For me, this situation was interesting for various reasons. Everything was fine until something small and silly disturbed my mother’s peace, which really shouldn’t have happened. If it were me, I would have given the girl a £10 note, the full amount, or extra money, and deducted it from the next time she came. I’m not going to go broke or break the bank over only £5.
I also believe that we should have a vote of confidence in others until they prove us wrong; we need to trust most people, not blindly, but generally, especially after so long of her providing cleaning services to my mother. It’s not as if this were the first time the young girl was cleaning my mother’s house.
Another point that I think is clear is how my mother took it very seriously, especially when the girl asked for the money a couple of days later. My mother took it personally, almost as if it were a personal insult, a slur against her, which highlights how sensitive my mother is and how careful I need to be when I’m around her. If I dance to her tune, everything will be fine, but if I don’t, it’s like declaring World War 3 against me, just like when I was a child, so I have to be cautious.
And the last point is that we never truly know if the girl, Beth, genuinely needs the money or is in a difficult situation, so we can’t really judge. Her reality and circumstances are different from ours, so maybe even though it’s just £5, that £5 could have been very important for her at that moment. Therefore, we should always, or nearly always, try to consider the other person’s situation.
My mother didn’t do this; it was more about her than the girl, and it was just for £5!
Even though carnival begins tomorrow in Brazil, and if I were there, I would have cancelled the last classes, but in England, I haven’t. I gave classes until 10:00 p.m. because of the time difference. I’m not sure if it is a more disciplined me, a more responsible European influence, or the time difference, and my body clock is still adjusting to Brazilian time, which is 3 hours behind.
After I watched a little TV with my mother, she asked me to crack open a bottle of wine to add a little to the Bolognese, and I drank the rest on my own when my mother went to bed.
One of the simple wonders of life is to drink a decent bottle of wine on your own in complete silence and peace. You could be scrolling, working on your computer or just doing nothing. It is just you, the wine and your thoughts, and there is nothing more precious than that.
It is heaven on earth!
In bed by 1:00 a.m.
Thank you.
Thanks for reading this blog post. Please explore my other posts and share your thoughts in the comments section.
Richard
