Wordsley, Stourbridge, England: 6 degrees, cold, grey, damp and with the threat of rain.
My feelings are a little mixed at the moment. I’m sensing that my time in England is coming to an end. My mother is giving me all the wrong signs that I am beginning to overstay my welcome.
I have been trying to please her by making her a cup of tea in bed in the morning, helping with the bills, doing the general washing, cleaning, and housework, all the while enduring it. I’m hearing a nagging voice in my head saying that it is all in vain.
There is a common belief that women do not appreciate nice guys, and to some extent, I think it is true. When I try to be considerate with my mother, I feel that it’s all a waste of time, and I’m digging my own grave in terms of staying in England for longer.
I will have to speak to her. I have talked to Nalva in Brazil, and I have decided to return in May, which will be approximately six months after I arrived in England. Here in England, I have passed Christmas, New Year, and now Carnival, but Carnival doesn’t matter here. I will be able to stay for my mother’s birthday in March and mine at the end of April.
I have already written about this, and I know it is a little repetitive, but it seems like a big deal for me to return to Brazil at the moment!!!
I still don’t know if it is apprehension about going back to Brazil, where it seems every day more like a dictatorship, or if I’m enjoying it here, or if I’m liking a person, even though nothing has been said or done between us. Or do I want to just be alone here in England, far from the confusion and mess in Brazil?
What I do know is that I will have to buy a camera before going back. I wanted to buy two, but that will be impossible. One of the secrets of success is being able to work, make do, and earn money with what you already have.
The idea that you can only begin when you have the right, ideal, perfect situation, equipment, etc., is utterly false because you not only waste a lot of time—time that is precious—but in many cases, you tend never to start, waiting for that perfect moment that never really comes.
The ideal moment is always now, regardless of what you have—good or bad, better or worse. The moment to begin is now!
So, one camera is more than sufficient, and the challenge is to build upon and expand on what I already have.
Brazil is celebrating Carnival, so I’m using this free time – when everyone is either jumping, dancing, drinking, or travelling, or a bit of all of these – to prepare for after the festivities. This will last until the end of next week, giving me time to get everything ready so I can start creating videos for YouTube. I have a rough idea of the format I want for the channel and the videos, but again, time will tell what resonates best with viewers and the audience.
Again, it is a question of just starting!
So, it is a camera, YouTube videos, and arranging to buy a new flight ticket to return to Brazil. I will talk to Tadeu to see if it is interesting for him to buy the ticket for me two months in advance, as it should be a little cheaper.
If I make a deal with him, he pays on his credit card six times, and I won’t increase his class fees for the next six months. It is a fair deal for both; we have done it before, so there should be no reason not to do it again. I have the money to buy the ticket, but why spend mine and help another too?
The day was spent working in the morning and visiting two pubs alone in the afternoon. The first one was again more of an expensive, fun pub with high prices and poor service. The second near my mother’s was a simple place with good service and reasonable prices.
When I arrived home, my mother had prepared a late lunch, and I cooked a steak for myself with butter, garlic, and black pepper on a grill. It was very good and quite enjoyable—more than I expected from an English interpretation of a steak, compared to what I’m used to in Brazil.
It is more difficult to get a bad steak than a good one in Brazil.
In bed by 11:00 p.m.
Thank you.
Thanks for reading this blog post. Please explore my other posts and share your thoughts in the comments section.
Richard
