Wordsley, Stourbridge, England: 7 degrees, cold, grey and rainy.
Monday, the first day of a new week, it is pouring with rain here in England. I have, over the past three or four months, grown slightly accustomed to it, but there are times when it really does get you down.
The truth is, I’m feeling low; I’m going through a rollercoaster ride of emotions and feelings that I thought would not be possible at my age and experience. This little, beautiful, perfect blonde woman is setting a light on of insecurity and distraction.
I need peace to work, build my businesses and make money. Am I self-sabotaging myself, am I looking for confusion in order not to go ahead? Or is it just a part of modern-day courting?
When I don’t have contact with her for a long time, she takes over my mind, and even though I’m not insecure about her whereabouts or what she’s doing, her absence affects me; it immerses me in a tidal wave of emotions that is hard to control and impossible to swim to safety.
When we eventually talk or exchange messages, even from a distance, it has thrown me a lifeline into the water for me to grab, to stay a hold of for a short period of time. Nobody is there to help me out; a Coast Guard helicopter or boat that can pull me into a safe place to regain my strength and relax is not available.
I am bobbing up and down in the cold water, in the middle of the sea, with the wind blowing, and the spray from the waves is reminding me that I’m still alive and I still have to do something if I want to live.
- Am I stupid
- Am I incompetent?
- Am I too soft?
- What does this perfect little woman have to do with me in my life?
- Am I also taking things too seriously?
- Do I need to let up a little, just let things take their course?
Yes, that is it, let everything take its course and don’t take everything so seriously. If it is to be, great! If it isn’t to be, well, move on. We can’t be soft; life is hard. If we let our guard down too many times, we get hurt or even beaten to death.
We must take responsibility for our actions, as both men and human beings. I can’t complain. I must work; all my bills are paid, I have no debts, and my name is clean in both England and Brazil. I am in good health and looking good for my age.
- So, what am I doing?
- What am I inventing with this little, beautiful, perfect woman?
The simple act of journaling has helped me navigate whatever difficulties come my way. I have been journaling for a little over a year, starting on December 27, 2022. In that short period, everything has changed in my life.
- Am I being ungrateful to journaling that has given me so much in such a short period of time?
- Am I insecure, too, about what life is giving me and what lies before me on my path?
- Am I afraid and don’t know how to handle my new reality and myself?
For everything both positive and negative that has happened to me, I am grateful and try to repay with gratitude as much as possible to others whom I can help or assist in some form. The act of helping others is a tool that I constantly strive to use to pay my debts, even though I do not live a life of great abundance or wealth.
Still, despite many hardships and strenuous situations that at times I thought I would never overcome, I have persevered, and here I am, living well within my means while still planning to reap the benefits of what I am planting for in the future.
So, to whoever I must thank, I thank willingly for all, and if I die tomorrow, I thank you again. All I ask is to help me find the wisdom, the patience and peace to find my way with this little, beautiful, perfect woman that has entered my life with the power of a 100 tsunamis.
And if I deserve her and the short period of life I have left is to be with her, I thank you, and if it is not to be, I thank you still.
A day of work, blogs, money and a roller coaster of emotions.
In bed by 11:00 p.m.
Thank you.
Thanks for reading this blog post. Please explore my other posts and share your thoughts in the comments section.
Richard
