Wordsley, Stourbridge, England: 11 degrees, mild with rain in the morning but promising to clear up during the day.
So, after Saturday, which was generally good, bordering on excellent, Sunday was meant to be less eventful but turned out to be the opposite.
I woke up early, did my usual exercises, put seed and food in the bird feeders, and generally tidied up the house while my mother was sleeping upstairs. I also worked on a blog post and journaled my daily entry. Additionally, I prepared some photos, so I am well-prepared for the week in terms of work.
When something is bothering me, something on my mind, I need to get it out to resolve it. I won’t feel happy or at peace until it’s sorted. I’m not someone to shy away from something that I believe is wrong and is troubling me.
So I bit the bullet and faced my mother!
I worked until 11 a.m., and coincidentally, it was precisely the same time my mother was getting up. I prepared her a cup of tea and took it upstairs to her bedroom. She was already awake and sitting on the edge of the bed. She seemed a bit offish, still brooding and remonstrating about my going out last night.
I wasn’t sure how to start the conversation, but naturally, as if the universe was guiding us, it was heading towards almost that and an argument, but it hadn’t yet. I used the situation to bring up all the things that were making me feel bad.
I shouldn’t be feeling this way when I’m happy and with a new and special person in my life!
The main point was that I don’t want to feel guilty for being happy and seeing someone, especially that person who is very special to me right now. I repeated all of this to my mother many times so she could understand what I was trying to tell her.
I want to be free to live my life in any way I choose without any interference or manipulation from her. I’m almost 60 years old, and I shouldn’t be manipulated by my mother. Maybe it’s quite common, but at the same time, it’s very ridiculous, and it shouldn’t be happening.
I knew before talking to her that my mother would not accept this easily, so after speaking with her, I went back to work a little more, knowing that when she came down, there would be a second round.
When she entered the living room, she approached me, and the real reason became clear: she wanted me to return to Brazil and try again with Nalva. So, she had made up her mind and wanted it to happen. It didn’t matter what I wanted; she believed it was best, and once again, I listed a series of reasons why this would never happen, as well as telling her she had to stop interfering in something that was none of her business. Some of my arguments included:
- I don’t want to feel guilty about being happy, which, if you think about it, is utterly mad but true.
- I do not want to feel guilty about dating someone I want to date and who is very special to me.
- As much as I respect Nalva because she is the mother of my second daughter, there is no chance of us getting back together. We have been separated for more than ten years, so my mother needs to forget about it, and it is complete madness.
- I have supported Nalva and Yasmin for almost 20 years, and I’m tired of people not recognising what I do for them in their lives. My father, in the past, disappeared because he had had enough of a lot of giving and taking from others without being recognised for his sacrifices. I told my mother that she had constantly put him down in the past, never recognising his sacrifice. Yet, in a way, my mother’s misconception of reality led me to do the opposite by giving and giving, yet she still does not value or recognise it.
How again, fucked up is that? No matter what you do, it still is not enough!!!
- Brazil has been both a good and a bad experience for me. There has always been political and economic unrest, and because of this, making money in Brazil has always been difficult, if not almost impossible. Never once did I shy away from my financial responsibilities, and never once did my mother praise, appreciate or recognise me for it. She has never supported me in any way or form, and I knew all my years that I could not approach her in any way if I needed to, whereas many times I have had to come back to England to resolve her problems that she had caused.
- I do not want to be controlled in any way, either directly or indirectly, including when I go out, who I spend time with, or my friends. A typical example is during lunch or dinner. If dinner is at 7:00 p.m., I appreciate being able to attend if I can. If I cannot, I am very sorry because I have another engagement. I can eat later, or not at all; I don’t mind, it’s not important. I am not falling for control or manipulation.
The real truth is that in any kind of relationship, if there is control or manipulation, then there is neither love nor respect.
- I do not accept any form of negativity in my life. Toxic people do not have space or time, nor are they a part of it, as the damage they cause can be very substantial and irreversible.
These were more or less the main points. I got everything off my chest, and I just cleared for both of us what is and is not acceptable.
Last night I went on a date with my beautiful, perfect little woman, and I nearly ruined it because I was a bag of nerves due to toxicity at home; how messed up is that?
And the proof is in the pudding. In the afternoon, Julie and I took Austin, her cockapoo, out for a walk on Kinver Edge, and what a difference I felt—a sense of relief. I could be myself without feeling guilty. I was able to relax with Julie and her amazing, lively, characterful dog. We walked for a good two or three hours, and for me, it was heaven on earth; it was sublime. I do not know who enjoyed it more—Julie, I, or Austin.
We passed through Kinver town on the way back. I was impressed by how beautiful it was, quaint, homely; I could live there in the future.
Julie dropped me off, and I had dinner with my mother. The atmosphere was cordial, as respect is necessary and important. If I offer my mother my hand, she might take off my arm, so I must set boundaries and limits, which cannot be lowered, broken, or disrespected.
When we have something on our mind that disturbs us, affecting our Peace of Mind and mental health, we must resolve it because if we don’t, it can develop into something worse. We need to speak up in defence of what is right for ourselves, our space, our peace, and ultimately our mental health.
We should never be afraid to speak up and show what is acceptable and what is not. To pave the way so that you can live happily, peacefully, and fully.
Speak up, set and demonstrate your boundaries because it’s best for everyone.
In bed by 10 p.m.
Thank you.
Thanks for reading this blog post. Please explore my other posts and share your thoughts in the comments section.
Richard
