Wordsley, Stourbridge, England: 11 degrees, fresh, overcast and with rain later.
It is Wednesday, the middle of the week, and we’re nearing the end of the month. A lot is happening in my personal life.
This beautiful, little, perfect woman has now taken up a large part of my life. It was not planned to be so violent at such a frenetic pace, but it has happened, and now I must contemplate balancing four parts of my life: Julie, my work, England and Brazil.
Julie, because it is a new relationship, and like all new relationships, it needs care and attention. Like a plant, if you don’t water it as you should, it will wither and eventually die. Our learning curve as a couple has been more exponential than linear. I genuinely don’t know whether this is good or bad, but it has happened, and it is continuing to be so.
All the flirting before the first kiss has now revealed how truly special she is, and like all people, with time, patience, love, and intention, both of you can peel back the layers and learn much more about each other.
I am discovering so much about myself: first, I realised that certain feelings I believed had gone, that they had been dead and buried, and they haven’t. And I am not talking about sex. Second, I see how powerful and potent vulnerability in a relationship can be. Third, we must be humble because, even when we think we know everything, the truth is that we know very little, almost nothing.
My work needs to change; my relationship with Julie cannot be a distraction, but a catalyst for implementing the changes I have been planning for such a long time. Now I must act swiftly. I need to evaluate myself and my work routine so that what is happening in my life does not hinder me, but instead pushes, motivates, and incentivises me to move on to the next stage. If I can’t do it for myself, I must do it for Julie, my daughters, and my possible new life in England.
England is cold, and what to do with it?
When I arrived in England at the end of November last year, it was- 5 °c, which was quite a shock at the time. Apparently, this English winter has been mild by local standards. Currently, the temperature range is between 8 °c and 12 °c; it’s not ideal, but much better than it was.
For the past month or so, I have been exercising outdoors in my mother’s back garden in the cold. This has been eye-opening for me because my warm body from exercise, combined with the cold of the early morning English day, results in a dopamine rush of happiness and fulfilment that can last me the entire day. If I had my own place in England, I could be happier.
England is not a bouquet of flowers, and Brazil isn’t either, but it has the potential to be. Living with my mother isn’t easy, as is the case for any grown-up child living with their parents, especially during a challenging time in their lives, which is particularly evident when they have extremely low emotional intelligence.
Brazil is the country where I have lived for a long time, and then suddenly it won’t be any more in the future?
Although it is a struggle to work and survive in Brazil, it is also difficult in England and probably everywhere else in the world nowadays. However, with Lula’s socialist communist government, and now Brazil has been recognised as being led by a dictatorial regime, I am not too sure that I would like to go back so quickly. Besides the beautiful weather, the good lifestyle, food, and the people, it has always been a struggle and an enormous sacrifice to live there.
I’m not sure if Julie would like Brazil, certainly not to live there permanently, but staying occasionally could even be too overwhelming for her. Brazil will not get itself right in the very short future, so maybe England is a better option.
My life is slowly gravitating towards what I have always said informally or indirectly, that’s my ideal style of life, would be six months in Brazil and six months in England, or eight months in one and four months in the other.
Time will reveal what works out. Life is always a compromise, and you need to select the right one for you and your happiness.
All I know is that Julie is a tsunami in my life, and my parties are changing. I will never shy away, nor forget my responsibility with Nalva and Yasmin. But for the next 10 years or so, I would like to have a full and complete life with the right person by my side, and that could be Julie.
The whole day was spent on productivity: journal entries, blog posts, and classes.
In bed by 10:00 p.m.
Thank you.
Thanks for reading this blog post. Please explore my other posts and share your thoughts in the comments section.
Richard
