Wordsley, Stourbridge, England: 24 degrees, hot, sunny and with beautiful blue skies.
It’s Saturday, the weekend, and I’m feeling exhausted about everything in my life. Things don’t seem 100% clear to me, and when they’re not, I follow my intuition.
My situation and relationship with Julie are difficult for me. We both do not have our own places, which makes it nearly impossible to share some quality intimate time together. I suggested that we travel for a weekend at the start of our relationship, but there was always a problem or an excuse.
I don’t think she was ready to take things to the next level. I don’t believe I have been too pushy, but as a man and with both of us being adults, it has been an issue in our little over two-month relationship. We have only discussed it briefly, and Julie has expressed her willingness to go away for the weekend very soon. Just going out, having drinks, or eating out, but repeatedly doing so and then both of us separating at the end of the night is, in a way, destroying me.
Sometimes, it’s not about sex, which is always good for anyone, but about feeling relaxed, comfortable, and peaceful together. You don’t need to do anything very special—just chilling out, eating together, or simply knowing that the other half is near is enough.
My limit was today. In the morning, I did some gardening and tidied up a little, so when I left, everything at home was pristine. I met Julie at the café; she was already outside with Austin. As she works there, many customers were outside talking to her.
When Austin saw me, he went crazy with happiness. Jim, Julie’s boss, came out to talk to me, and then Diane, a workmate of Julie, who was working, also came out. I made a silly comment discreetly to Diane—nothing too serious, just a joke. Later, Julie asked me what I said to Diane and why I said it.
We were now walking along the canal. I wanted to walk along a stretch of it where we hadn’t been together before, a part where, when I was very young—about 11 or 12—I used to work in a boatyard. I wanted to show Julie. She wanted to make an issue about what I had said. I told her it was just a joke, but she wanted to make more of it and brood over it.
The landscape along the canal was quite stunning; the sun was out, and the slightly cloudy blue sky was not enough to spoil the day. The varying shades of green in the trees and plants lining the path, the canal, and the neighbouring fields were all beautifully sublime.
We passed by the place where I used to work, building long boats or narrowboats when I was 11 or 12 years old. It was quite amazing to be back there after so long, and the place is still functioning as a small boatyard for barges, narrowboats, and people who love the canals.
We crossed the bridge next to the boat yard and then walked along a dirt track that eventually led to the main road to Wollaston. All the area we walked through was part of my youth; we disliked the main roads and headed up towards Wollaston. At the top of the hill is the ‘Foresters pub’, where my mother worked for some time as a part-time job a long time ago.
The pub was dog-friendly, and there were already two dogs in the lounge. Austin wanted to make friends with the other dogs, but they were not interested. We decided to have two coffees, which were OK, nothing special. However, the pub itself seemed extremely tatty, dirty, and worse for wear. Clearly, time had taken its toll on it. It was apparent to me that the establishment was struggling.
We left when the weather was perfect, with the sun on our faces and not too hot. We are now walking down the main road into the centre of Wollaston.
This is again my stamping ground from my childhood, the place where many of the streets we crossed today are the same ones I crossed as a child on my way to school. We passed another pub where I spent my youth with friends, many of whom I have lost contact with; some I have kept in touch with thanks to Facebook, but the rest have disappeared.
We found a hardware store that’s like a toy or sweet shop for a man, and I found the things I needed for my mother’s house. We continued walking around Wollaston and eventually went down to the canal to come back on ourselves.
It was beginning to get darker as the forecast predicted rain later. We walked back along the canal, Julie got into her car, and we parted ways without having lunch or eating together — the first time there was a heavy atmosphere between us.
Later that evening, Julie texted me to ask why I had made that silly joke. We later talked—I explained my reasons, and we continued talking for some time. I wasn’t going to let Julie crucify me over something that wasn’t particularly important to me. I also suggested that maybe we should just be friends. We had planned to go out that night, but after what happened and our conversation, it seemed better not to.
The situation had enabled me to vomit all my doubts and negative feelings, to verbalise and air myself.
Sometimes it is very good to do it and see precisely what happens afterwards. I believe it is always best to tell the truth, no matter what, and that is what I did, as I think Julie did too.
I also think that because of my bad joke, which was related to sex and not having it, I touched a nerve. It also showed how I felt about not living completely, 100%, in the right relationship —a whole relationship as a man.
So, a night in, plenty of talk with Julie, everything verbalised —let’s see what tomorrow brings!
In bed by midnight.
Thank you.
Thanks for reading this blog post. Please explore my other posts and share your thoughts in the comments section.
Richard
