Wordsley, Stourbridge, England: 27 degrees, very hot, sunny and with beautiful blue skies.
Sunday, almost my whole day off from everybody. Julie and I are not 100%.
There are some issues which are normal in any relationship. Especially at the beginning, when you are both finding your way, and also when dating today is all so much more complicated and complex than in the past.
Last night I told her how I felt and that maybe it would be better if we were just friends. Sometimes I feel that I am stuck between my mother, who is a hard-headed person, headstrong, entitled, and Nalva in Brazil, that even though we do not have a loving, romantic relationship, I feel responsible for her and now Julie, who is going through a divorce, which is not easy for her and her insecurity.
When we are together, with or without Austin, it is all good, and when we are on the phone talking, it is good too, but there is a voice in the back of my head telling me to finish it. Is it because Julie really is not the right one? Or is it because I am always stopping myself from getting involved, sabotaging my own happiness, and not knowing it —until now?
Or is it this and that my self-esteem is low, and I do not know how to be happy with a woman whom I really deserve? We talked a lot last night, and she was never aggressive, rude, or insensitive. Sometimes I feel she’s insensitive in day-to-day situations, but when we had the conversation, it was excellent, and she was attentive and caring.
After getting up, we talked again, but not as much as usual. I think it was still from yesterday’s talk, but it was all good. And she, as it is Sunday, had to go to the gym for a class. I had coffee by myself, which was heavenly; lit some incense sticks and stuck them in some flowerpots, which was also heavenly; and then did some superficial touching up in the garden, watered the lawn, and swept the path.
Pure therapy!!!
The sun is shining a little; it is England — sometimes it is a little chilly — but doing stuff in the garden with a bit of sun is very good.
I made a tea for my mother, and then the first problem of the day, the month and probably the year. I had the stupid idea of cleaning my laptop’s keyboard with an anti-mould spray that my mother uses to remove mould from the bathroom walls. I sprayed some onto a rag and tried to clean my laptop first —the base and sides, then the keyboard. Everything was OK until a drop of fluid landed on my keyboard between the keys.
This is the second time I have fucked up a computer keyboard; I’m a specialist at it. How stupid is that? Stupidity is when you do not learn from your past mistakes and keep committing the same ones over and over again, and this is me in this case.
Now I have to pray that I will be able to repair it myself, that it probably will not happen, or that I will have to change the keyboard again. I’m not too worried about it; it is an inconvenience, but it is not the end of the world.
However, it is stupidity in its purest form!
At midday, my mother began to prepare to go to the Elton centre for lunch. A community centre in the middle of Stourbridge for old people. They do a Sunday lunch every two weeks, and it is excellent and worth it. It is three courses and very English. The starter today was a soup; the main course was chicken with stuffing, potatoes, and vegetables, and tonnes of gravy; and the dessert was a crumble with custard.
To a certain point, things we do not have in Brazil are a welcome change, and the lunch for just £10 is excellent value for money. The pensioners—the old people—are very nice; more women than men. Unfortunately, men die earlier than women, especially if the men were married and the women like to feed their husbands so much food if they live too long, which eventually results in more widows than widowers.
I have always felt very welcome there, and we always have a laugh, which is essential in life. The head chef is coincidentally my mother’s neighbour, who lives exactly in front of us. She’s a short, enormous woman with a heart of gold. Simple, good people who are pleasant to know and to be with, which is always very important in life.
The lunch usually begins at 1:00 p.m., and today was no different. However, the service seemed slower than usual. I helped clear the tables between courses, but it was still a little sluggish. I had arranged with my mother that I would not go back with her, but to go into Stourbridge town centre, have a walk around, and maybe do a little shopping.
To help my mother, I moved her car out of the tight parking space and let her drive home on her own. Now I’m free, no mother, no Julie, no dog and no daughters, just me.
I forgot to mention that, besides breaking my computer keyboard, my sports headphones suddenly stopped working too, so I need some good-quality headphones, because it is impossible for me to walk outdoors without listening to something when I’m alone.
B+M Home Store in England is like Casa Video in Rio: a large hardware and home appliance shop. I had already seen that they stocked headphones, so that was my first stop on the High Street. I found a decent pair at a reasonable price. I was a little undecided between two brands, but I finally decided to buy Goodman’s, which I later discovered was very good, with excellent sound quality—better than my old ones from Brazil.
And this is another life lesson: when something bad happens, something good usually follows. My headphones, which I loved, broke. Now I have new headphones with better sound quality than before.
Basically, what I’m saying is that it was for the old headphones to die and the new headphones to come.
I also bought a paint scratch remover for Julie’s car, as we had gone for a walk near where I live, and, when we returned, somebody had, I think, intentionally scratched her car. It’s not a big scratch, but it needs to be done.
I paid for my stuff at B+M, walked around Stourbridge, and went into Peacocks, a lower-priced clothing brand Julie hates and I love. I found two pairs of shorts that I liked and thought the prices were reasonable, and bought them. During my stay in England, I have been slowly building a very different wardrobe: a coat, jacket, socks, pants, tracksuit bottoms, and trainers.
It is about 4:00 p.m., and the High Street shops are closing. I am happy with my shopping — something for me, for Julie, for the garden, etc. Everything is good. I walked down the lower High Street onto the old Wharf, the canal and home, all alone; it was bliss.
I met Richard with Hovis, or Ozzy, he’s a beautiful rescue greyhound. We talked, and Hovis seemed to recognise me and was happy to see me, which I thought was very cool and quite amazing.
When I arrived home, I spent some time with my mother. I went upstairs to try to watch a film on my laptop, but it was impossible. Julie called me and we talked for almost two hours.
Who talks for almost 2 hours on the phone nowadays? And this is not uncommon; it is more common to speak for more than an hour each time than for just a couple of minutes, like normal people do!
Our conversation was pleasant, and that seemed to have clarified some things. I honestly believe she’s pretty special. Who chats on the phone for nearly two hours these days? And that’s not unusual; it’s more common to speak for over an hour each time rather than just a few minutes like most people do.
I also managed to speak with Yasmin and Nalva in Brazil since it was Mother’s Day there. I had paid off one of Nalva’s debts as a gift to help her in the future, in addition to the present Yasmin had bought for her with the money I had sent the day before.
Both of them managed to talk to my mother via WhatsApp and translation, and everyone was happy. It was a nice day; I did something I could do without anyone pressing me. I feel that Julie was generous not to force a meeting on us, and I thank and admire her for that.
In bed by 11:00 p.m.
Thank you.
Thanks for reading this blog post. Please explore my other posts and share your thoughts in the comments section.
Richard
