Wordsley, Stourbridge, England: 15 degrees, cold, overcast, rainy and miserable.
It is Wednesday, the middle of the week, and the day that sets off a series of events that could change everything.
From morning until early afternoon, it was just normal, exercising, having an early conversation with Julie, working on a blog post, and giving classes until about 2:00 p.m.
Julie gets off from the cafe at about two, and sometimes, immediately after finishing her shift, she calls me. This time, she invited me for a quick coffee. My next class is at 5, so it’s just to go out, have a coffee somewhere, and then return to work.
What is the harm in that? Or am I too old to do crazy teenage things like rushing out for a quick coffee to meet the person you like?
I have kept my relationship with Julie at a distance from my mother; I do not want her to become too involved in my personal life, as she is extremely opinionated, rude, intrusive, aggressive, and sometimes a know-it-all.
Julie said she would be in her car and pick me up in two minutes. I quickly put on a pair of jeans and a top, and I was ready. When Julie was outside in the car, my mother had just arrived from shopping. I helped her put the shopping inside the house, and I could see that I was going out.
When I told her that I was going out for a quick coffee, she kicked off by saying that I was messing her around, etc. I knew she had seen Julie’s car, connected the dots, and wanted to use the situation to make me feel terrible. She has been trying to make me feel bad ever since I started going out with Julie, and I’ve had enough.
Inside the house, I began to speak to her in a firmer voice, telling her to stop trying to control my life. Over the past two months or so of going out with Julie, all she has done is try to undermine our relationship. Never happy to see me going out with someone else, always trying to control me during meal times, planning in advance so as not to disappoint her, etc.
My mother is very manipulative, and when you disagree or do not go along with her ideas, thoughts, plans, points of view, etc., she changes very quickly.
Julie was waiting for me in the car, but I was pouring out all the negative things I had endured from the past until now. Looking back now, probably unconsciously, one of the reasons I haven’t been to England in over 20 years is that the last time I was here.
I spent Boxing Day with my brother and his family, and we had a wonderful time. However, my mother was not welcome because she had argued with him and his wife, so she was left out and not invited. Because of this, she was jealous of me going there for the day and enjoying myself, and, as a result, during the last two weeks in England before returning to Brazil, my mother made my life difficult.
It had awakened the worst possible side of my mother; every day involved shouting, spitting, accusing me of past wrongs, while always playing the victim.
During my stay in England, I have noticed that my mother is always portrayed as the victim. Reflecting on it, all the people who have hurt her, those she was a victim of, she justifiably had the right, reason, and arguments to do the wrong things she did.
It is clear to me that my mother is a self-centred, egocentric sociopath. She’s always right and everybody else is wrong. She’s better, and everyone else is worse. Her opinion about someone is exactly right; it is the law, and because it is the law, it can never be contested or contradicted. And who makes the law is a judge, of course, one of the highest positions in any society, so she is at the top of the food chain, with everyone else below.
It is extremely sickening and toxic, and maybe what I said was a little hard or even aggressive, but it is a way of bringing some divine justice to an already broken and unjust situation.
I said my words and then went to meet Julie. She imagined that there was a problem, so we went to a local pub for two cappuccinos, which were not so bad, and we talked.
Sometimes it’s very difficult for people to imagine how toxic it is. Julie calmed me a little, we laughed and after she dropped me off at home. I am thankful for her attention and support, and when I went in, I apologised to my mother for shouting a little and then went to work and gave classes.
In bed by midnight.
Thank you.
Thanks for reading this blog post. Please explore my other posts and share your thoughts in the comments section.
Richard
