Wordsley, Stourbridge, England: 18 degrees, warmish, sunny and slightly cloudy.
It is Thursday, the day after a dreadful argument with my mother.
I feel somewhat guilty for shouting and criticising what she has been doing all her life, and, more recently, for my visit to England and going out with Julie.
It seems that the saying, “a leopard never changes its spots,” is true!
Everyone who knows my mother understands her strong personality and how she is. Debbie, my sister-in-law, when she found out I was in England, called me immediately, and the first thing she asked was how she was doing.
Twenty-five years ago, the last time I visited England, a medium, a friend of my mother’s who came for Christmas lunch, and my mother insisted on her giving me a sitting with her in the front living room. The first thing she said was that you know your mother will never change and will always be the way she is. I had not said anything beforehand to provoke such a comment. It came out of her voluntarily for some reason.
Recently, I met a lady in the café on the green who, after a lot of talking, discovered that she knew my mother very well from the spiritual centre they had both attended in the past. While we were talking, she asked me how it is living with your mother, implying that it must be challenging.
What I’m trying to convey is that it’s not just me being unfair to her, but for the first time in my life, I’ve genuinely had enough. I’m profoundly disgusted with her. I’ve known since childhood that my mother was a complicated person.
Even my brother doesn’t understand why I always give her the benefit of the doubt and another chance, especially because she was always more impatient, aggressive, and cruel towards me than towards him.
He doesn’t understand why I am always there for her.
I feel this has been the final straw; she has once again crossed the line, and perhaps I am also disgusted, disappointed, and angry with myself for letting it happen, for putting myself in this situation. More fool me!
On the other hand, she might be doing me a favour; there’s always a positive side to consider. Perhaps it is time to return to Brazil for a couple of months to see exactly what the situation is there, meet the people who are special in my life, experience Brazil, and decide whether I want to stay or not — and if not, come back to England.
Brazil is all fuckd up at the moment, and it will be like it for a long, long time to come. The secret is not to yield to the situation, but to remain calm and intelligent, adapt, and make the most of it, just as you would in everything else in life.
I honestly do not think it is much better in England; it is hard to run a business here, with taxes rising due to the New Labour government. There are so many laws, rules, and regulations controlling you, making it difficult to flourish and succeed in such an environment.
Returning to Brazil means tying up many loose ends. As long as Yasmin, Nalva, and Jessica are OK, I can organise my life to enjoy some quality time before it is too late.
In Brazil, I will be able to fix my teeth and plan Yasmin and Nalva’s lives for the next few years to ensure they have stability and peace in the future. I will also be able to monetise my blog, enhance it, further develop its branding, and turn it into a success.
I can also start a YouTube channel based on my blog posts, discussing life, situations, life lessons, and ways to help people. Additionally, I will launch a channel dedicated to English instruction. I will also be able to continue doing my exercises in parks or even near the beach, so my quality of life while there should be good.
Julie worries that I might return to my previous life there, as 35 years is a long time to live in one place. I am not entirely sure I want to stay in Brazil, given the chaos surrounding it, and it doesn’t seem like things will change anytime soon. I have been there for 35 years, and it has only got worse, not better.
I do love Brazil, Rio, the people, and what I have experienced there over the years. Two beautiful daughters, two lovely dogs—probably both have changed me—but I have never truly achieved financial freedom from living in Brazil. I have concluded that Brazil tends to breed poverty or keep you impoverished.
The government doesn’t want you to prosper and succeed; they only want to maintain control, manipulate and fuck you.
Julie is also a huge question mark in my life; she’s going through a divorce, and I don’t think she is ready for a serious relationship right now, especially on the rebound. She claims she is, but her actions suggest otherwise, or perhaps I am not the right person for her; it’s a pity because I believe we are very good together.
Putting things into perspective, I live with my mother on one side, which is complicated, and Julie is giving me the wrong signals on the other. I think it’s better to go. When my mother dies, I will need to return to England and stay there for at least a couple of years or possibly forever.
In bed by 11:00 p.m.
Thank you.
Thanks for reading this blog post. Please explore my other posts and share your thoughts in the comments section.
Richard
