Flamengo, Rio de Janeiro, Brazil: 28 degrees, hot, Sunny and beautiful blue skies; a beautiful day.
I have been back in Rio for five days now, and I am trying to get into the old or maybe a new adapted routine.
- Exercise.
- Journaling.
- Blog preparation and post.
- Classes.
I had been doing all of this in England before, and now that I am back in Brazil, I want to improve it.
- Exercise: The activities are nothing new; I have been doing early-morning workouts for nearly 3 years now. Now that I am back in Rio, I can combine walking, skipping, elastic bands, aerobics, and TRX, which I left behind in England. The combination of all five activities is very effective and should work wonders soon.
- My journaling: My daily entries in my diary have never stopped since I started two years ago. I am always trying to improve myself and what I do. Although it is a daily journal, I try to include the past, the future, and the present. It has become an essential part of my life and is necessary for maintaining my mental health. It is clear to me that without my journaling, I would probably be in a worse situation, if that makes sense. It has been a support for me.
- Blog preparation and posts: I have written over 200 blog posts so far, some I believe are good, and others not so much. I am currently revising all the posts I have created, refining them to make them better and more engaging for readers. Based on my previous experience creating educational books for schools, which involved a lot of repetitive, tedious work, I can quickly revise all the posts. The act of preparing and posting a blog: It has become a matter of discipline, alongside the natural satisfaction and pride that come from creating something positive, not just for oneself but for others. All I hope is that it can help others on this crazy roller coaster we’re riding, the one we call life, and that I can earn a little money from it someday.
- English classes: I have been teaching for almost 30 years; there is really no mystery for me in delivering a quality class. There is always something to learn in life, and I have learned to be proficient at it. I aim to transfer this knowledge to the Internet or YouTube, etc., and earn some money from it. I have been giving classes for a long time; I have relied on them for too long. Now I need to break this mould, and the measures I have taken to diversify should lead to an alternative source of income. This is what I am constantly trying to do and improve so that someday I can achieve a better quality of life.
I have also noticed that women often distract me. I am heavily distracted by females, and I believe this originates from my childhood with my mother and a tendency to give too much, co-dependency, and to seek validation that I lacked as a child.
Now I see that my mother has consistently had a strong negative influence on my life. As much as I respect Nalva, Yasmin’s mother, she has always been a burden in my life for nearly 20 years since I met her, and it must stop, or at least become less prominent than it is now.
And with Julie, it seems to be heading in the same direction. That beautiful, perfect little woman, whom I admired and desperately wanted to be with, is not as perfect as I once believed, and this is beginning to get me down. I recognise that it is my fault for allowing it to reach this point, and I see a pattern repeating from my childhood with my mother. However, I am now 58, and I know I need to heal.
As men, since birth, we are taught the importance and doctrine of being good men, good husbands, and good fathers, regardless of the circumstances. Sometimes, it’s not just about virtue but also about choosing the right partner, because when we select the wrong spouse, we pay dearly for the rest of our lives.
I believe many men suffer daily from choosing the wrong partner, and I have been one of them for a long time. I have been socially and emotionally blackmailed into doing what is right and prioritising a better future for others over myself. However, the little time I have left, I want to make the most of it for myself or with the right person who truly values me.
My relationship with Julie has become quite toxic for me, and in retrospect, I see it has always been that way. It’s just that I didn’t want to realise it, nor did I set the necessary boundaries. I must break free from this; I need to do good things for myself, not for others, or I won’t be able to survive, let alone thrive, in the final years of my life.
It is only up to me!
I got up, went to the park, had a tough, vigorous workout, journaled, did the housework, which I really don’t mind but immensely enjoy, and had a serious conversation with Julie. Well, at least I tried. I gave classes, of course; without them, we would all be living under a bridge, and Henrique, the computer guy, came to fix my laptop’s keyboard.
The weather in Rio is lovely, warm and sunny, providing a change from England’s, which is seldom warm and pleasant. Even when it is sunny with blue skies, it is often chilly, or there is a chill in the air.
In bed by 11:00 p.m.
Thank you.
Thanks for reading this blog post. Please explore my other posts and share your thoughts in the comments section.
Richard
